Bar Stories: Are we drunk yet?
by Draye
Summary: With the Fic author bar closed where can i go?Well the answer is the Fic character bar.Join me as a relize that I should have killed myself 6 chapters ago.Thank god I can get drunk here,oops,nope,I can't,MYTHICAL PYCOPATHS UNITE!OC,OOC,ADC,A.D.D.Cs.peopl
1. part 60 aka prolouge

**Chapter one **

**No fandom yet! wait cuz this is a prologue about me, fandom starts next chapter stupid readers!**

**Opal: Opal says, i didn't help write this one, i'm taking the prologue and posting it with MY bar stories on as springshoot...when i get around to it. **

"Hey Bartender, can you get me another?"

"Isn't this your fifth one? I think you should stop."

"I'll stop when I feel better."

"Your one of those sad drunks, aren't you?"

"No, I'm one of those happy drunks"

More like one of those depressed Fan Fic author drunks, I thought. the bar I usually went to had been closed down and now I had to go to this one. The old one was specifically for authors so you didn't have to worry about running into pissed off supper villains or OCs, but hey, when you need a drink, you need a drink.

"Besides, I'm not drunk."

"You can really hold it, um, what is your name? I never got it."

"Draye, it comes with the vampirism."

"You're a new OC then?"

"No, I'm an author."

"Oh, we don't get many of your type. What are some of your works?"

"One soul, Fairy rider, the Half blood witch, MASH Iraq, and where's my beer?"

"Where's my beer, never heard of it."

"No. Can you get me my beer?"

"Sorry no can do."

I stood up and leaned over the bar. I stared into the eyes of that heartless devil of a bartender.

"Why fucking not!"

"You're 14 right?"

"Where did you hear that crap?"

"It says so on your profile, see."

She turned a computer around and there on the screen was my undoing. Tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't get any beer, all because I was stupid enough to put my age on my profile. I would have broken down if not for my friend, the thought light bulb.

"May I please see the computer?" I asked the bartender as sweetly as I could.

"Sure thing."

With my amazingly slow typing skills I attacked the computer and changed what I rightfully could. Smiling all the more as I thought of what drunken pleasures awaited me!

"NO it says I'm 21."

"Let me see, well it does! I'll go get you that beer."

After that I had three more and went home. My favorite cured wereling; tom gave me a lift home. Kate wasn't too happy, said I had disturbed there plans for the night. Go tom, finally got her under the covers huh? At home Tippy started to rant that I was irresponsible.

"Like I give a fork."

"Stop it or I will use it."

"You wouldn't dare "

"Oh yes I would."

"Oh no you wouldn't."

"Watch me."

"Pish."

"Fine then, FAYE!"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

The sound of my middle name was like when you take a fork and use it to stir stuff in a metal bowl. Metal scratching metal is way worse than nail scratching chalkboard. I ran up the stares to try to escape the word.

"FAYE, FAYE, FAYE!"

That night I fell asleep on the stair case because I hit my head a little to hard when I tripped.

**The end (of this chapter)**

**Next time: Bar fights with full metal**

**Don't worry it will be longer than this chap. **


	2. Chapterf

**Yay! Now I start the fandom!**

**Silver silver, if this doesn't sound like you I will rewrite the chapter!**

"Draye, why did you drag me here?"

"Because it's FMA night, I thought you would like to meet Ed."

"FMA night?"

"Yah, they drink half off."

"But Ed is a minor."

"And, so are we."

"Point."

I brought Silver silver here hoping to enjoy myself more, but she was just asking me questions about why the hell we where at a character bar. It was annoying, but at least I got her in the place, unlike a certain writer of the prologue.

(Opal: HEY!)

CREAK

The door opened and Roy walked in with Riza, Ed, and Al. The thought, let the fun begin, flashed in my head. I poked Silver and pointed.

"Look Silver, it's the Full Shrimp Alchemist!"

"Tst, yah, I'm surprised he can even carry the weight of his cloths he's so small!"

We started laughing, not justLOL laughing, butLMAO laughing, or was it ROFLMAO laughter? The world will never know.

"Who are you calling so short? He couldn't look you in the eyes if he was standing on the roof!" Ed cried out in anger.

"Here we go again," all the other FMA characters sighed.

"You shorty," Sliver teased

"You know Silver," I mused "There is one thing that is smaller than him."

"Ooh, what is that?"

"His dick!"

Ed's face reddened as we started laughing our wits out.

"It is not, you bitch!"

I paused and looked at him in the eyes. A grin you could usually see Envy sporting spread across my lips. My fangs gleamed in the dim light of the bar.

"Hey, Silver, look at the little boy trying to be a man."

"I am a man, bitch!"

"Want to prove it?"

"What?"

"Fight. Now. You and me."

"Bring it, bitch!"

I stepped down from my seat and looked up at Ed. Wait a second, I looked up at him? How the fuck did that happen? Ed looked at me in disbelief.

"I'm taller than you?"

"Only by an inch, plus you're older than me. Anyway can we get on with this?"

"Fine, any weapons allowed?"

"I have my fist, feet, and fangs. You have your fist, feet, and full metal so I guess it's even."

"I can use alchemy?"

"Sure dude, knock yourself out."

Ed rubbed his hands together, the thought 'this is going to be easy' passed through his head.

"I challenged you, Ed, so you go first."

Ed smiled and started to walk around me. I just stood still and waited for him to make his move. Ed stopped when he was right in front of me and punched me in the face. Silver gasped as the fist connected with my face. I just smiled.

"Now it's my turn, shorty."

I put up my fists and started to move around the bar. Ed's eyes watched my every move. When I felt the time was right, I pounced.

Silver started to laugh and cheer saying, "Go Draye! You can beat that short bastard!"

My fangs met his neck and, well, I would describe what happens next, but some people have weak stomachs.

When I let go Ed was all wobbly-like. I then proceeded to beat the crap out of him. When I was done I yelled,

"Which one of you bitches is next!"

"Ahem."

I turned and saw the overly-muscled women bartender looking down at me.

"Um, hi, Miss Bartender Person, that was not a bar fight, I was just hugging him."

"Then why is he all bloodied?"

"I hugged him too hard. Miss, you're not going to kick me and Silver out are you?"

"No, now why would I do that?"

I sighed with relief.

"Only you get thrown out. Silver didn't get into a bar fight, now did she?"

She picked me up by my collar and walked to the door.

"Don't worry Draye; it's still going on your tab!"

"Thanks a lot, Silver."

With that I was thrown into the dirt outside the bar. I sat there for an hour or so till Silver came out.

"You still here Draye?"

"I couldn't leave now, could I?"

"Why not?"

"You have my keys"

**End**

**Next chapter: two Eragons are NOT better than one me.**

**(Emerald Tiara demands credit for editing this chapter!)**


	3. the one were i am finally drunk

**Time for this fun filled chapter of funness!**

**O.0 funness isn't a word dumbo.)**

**This is the author's notes; no one reads them so I don't have to worry about spelling or grammar, okay?**

**O.0 then why do you write them?)**

……** Cough……**

"Why did I listen to you when you said we should come here?"

"Because Emerald Tiara, you had nothing to do and you want to kill Murtagh."

"Who said I want to kill him!"

"Your profile?"

"Draye!"

"God, you are sensitive. Drink up; it will help solve that problem."

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."

Ah yes, you have come to join me for another fun filled night at the character bar across the street from my office. When I offered to Emerald she said "sure, sounds like fun" but all I have heard is complaining. Thank god Eragon hasn't shone up yet or I would be screwed…

"Believe me Orik, this is a great bar!"

Never mind, I am screwed. Well at least both of them aren't here…

"From what I have heard Fres, this is a good bar."

Why does that keep happening? I have to learn to keep my mouth shut, good thing I left Type at home...

Flap. Skeee! Flap. Plop. Zee.

Great now there is a dragon sleeping on my lap, well at least... Wait, no more, I won't say it!

"Well Draye at least the two Eragon didn't recognize each other."

Here we go again.

"Hey I know you!" both the Eragons screamed at each other.

They stormed towards each other and locked in a death stare.

"We have a score to settle human"

"Indeed we do."

"What; like which one is the bigger idiot?" I whispered to Emerald.

"Probaly."she answered.

"Hey, we are not idiots!" both of the idiots yelled.

"You could settle that by, well you won't want to know." I mused.

"By what?" the human Eragon asked

"A shots contest." Emerald giggled.

I had to be impressed with her at that moment, I was thinking a duel to the death, but this could get rid of both of them! Excellent.

"A shots contest?"

"Yes, the first one to pass out, throw up, die, and/or stop drinking looses."

"Fine with me, what about you human?"

"I don't mind."

"Get the shot contest machine Barbra!" I yelled to the bar tender, whose name was Trish.

Trish went to the back and then came out with a box. She started to take out the 50 (too drunk to write it out, I haven't fed in a while, so bear please) and fill them with the cheap stuff. I don't know if it was really cheap, but it did come from a bottle with "shot juice" on the label. Eragon and Eragon sat down next to each other and stared at the glasses, Orik and Fres where sitting at a table shaking their heads. Emerald and I stood on the bar; shout the following words in turns.

"Drinkers ready?"

"On your mark!"

"Get set!"

"Drink!"

And they started to down the glasses. After 10 each we still saw no difference…

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

25, the magic number. Eragon the human started to look a little green but kept going. He stared at the elf, which was still drinking too, not holding any better. Eragon the elf stared at Eragon. Their eyes met. They stopped drinking,

And stared to make out.

Emerald and I stared in horror at what our hot book candy where doing, sure most girls would stare and drool, but no, we could not. Fres and Orik were wetting their pants, I don't see how they though this was funny.

"That explains why Arya never liked him."

"She is an elfin gay detector?"

"Yep."

"Want to see what Silver, Ed and AL are doing?" I asked Emerald ask we walked out of the bar.

"Sure, but how do you know they are all together."

"Silver is dating one of them. I hope not Al."

"Why, you can't do a suit of armor."

"Not the series ones, the hot, all human ones from the movie. I want Al!"

"Okay, lets go, but I need to drive."

"Why dat?"

"Type ateyour keys durning the contest."

I turned and looked at my little dragon. She just smiled and sat down in the back. As I closed the door and Emerald started up the engine all i could think was,

"What is it with people and hording my keys after I drink?"


	4. Vampires r us

"So I've been away a while, big deal."

"But you promised!"

"Listen Ish, I couldn't help it. So what if Duzzel is sad."

"You should be more considerate, he was your king."

"Pish, he's no king of mine."  
Ok, let's see. Today I am here with the characters of Vampire Game pissing me off. Sure I love Duzzel, he's good company. But Ishtar is just annoying. Plus she can't hold her liquor.

"So what if I didn't help him find your great-grandfather? I don't give a crap. I had much more important things to do."

"Like what?"

"Well, get my keys 'back' from Type. Go to a clan reunion, see my boyfriend, avoid you, the list could go on."

I ignored her yelling at me and turned to Duzzel, the supposed king of the vampires. He lost a war to a human, who could look up to him now? The answer is, not many.

"Is she always like this Duz?"

"Pretty much."

"How do you stand it?" I asked, taking a sip of my 'holy liquid'.

"Ear plugs, the really good ones."

"Ahh."

I took another sip, then asked the 'all knowing' king,

"This chapter really isn't very funny, is it?"

"Not at all."

"That sucks."

"Yep."

I took another sip.

"What we need is Vord to be here."

"That's not a good idea."

"So, hold on and let me write him in."

All of a sudden prince Vord walked into the bar. Wait! Duzzel, give me back my lap top! What are you doing! Hey, stop it! Don't touch that but-

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ZISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. BLINK. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR. DING!

That retard turned off my computer! Now he's going to get it. Lets see know, oh yes that will work nicely.

All of a sudden the all mighty king Duzzel turned into a fluffy kitten.

"What the hell are you doing to MEOW?"

I love my laptop. Now, oh yes. And in walks Opal, the lover of most things fluffy.

"Oh yay! A fluffy little kitty!"

She scooped up the harmless Duzzel and started to swing him back and forth.

"I love fluffy kitties."

The bar erupted with laughter as Duzzel was squeezed harder and harder. When I felt he had had enough I threw a bar of chocolate out the door and she hurried after the all mighty substance. I turned Duzzel back, saved the file on my lap top and turned to him.

"Author magic is way better than blood magic, yes?"

"Indeed it is."

"What have you learned from all this?"

"Don't touch a fan fiction author's computer because they are more powerful than we realize?"

"That and we aren't nice when we're pissed."

"Yep."

The rest of the night was fun. Ishtar got drunk and started to bar dance. I went home and fed Type. She really loves her meat. Wait, Type don't come up here, I'm working. Don't press th-

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………... ZISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. BLINK. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR. DING!

Why do people have to turn off my computer while I'm working! I have to get that button removed.


	5. ok dev heres your chap now leave!

I sighed as I sat at my desk, five more minutes until I could leave. The clock seemed to tick slower and slower. It was so annoying mocking me, telling me I couldn't leave yet. Saying I was stuck in this room for five more minutes. It made me angry. my hand clenched into a fist and I raised that fist, oh yes I raised it, and brought it down on my clock. The noise of it smashing made every one turn away from their work and look at me.

"Heh heh, sorry 'bout that. Rough day today." I joked, rubbing the back of my head.

I heard murmurs of nut case and loon, but that was normal, me being the youngest in the room. I was told I should start a new fic but so far I had gotten no where. I just sat there staring at the blank screen. I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey newbie, time to go."

"Hey just cuz I just got moved to this room doesn't mean I'm a- oh really?"

"Yah, you sure are a hyper one, way were you moved anyway?" he asked as we walked down the hall towards the doors.

"Oh, I got promoted. I got to be more popular or my stories got better or something like that. I work mostly in books and anime/manga, you?"

"Just books for me. I do Harry potter mostly, a little Artemis Fowl and Misc. books."

"Oh, want to come with me to get a drink?"

"Sorry, I'm seeing some one." Then he walked away.

"You jerk! I didn't mean that! I'm seeing someone too yah know!"

Everyone in the lobby turned to look at me. My cousin Devon ran up to me and yelled

"Sorry folks she forgot her meds to day!"

"I don't take meds!"

"Sure, that's what they all say. Come on, you owe me a beer."

"No I don't!"

"You do now. "

"Why, cuz you made me look like an idiot."

"No, you do that yourself."

"Oh thanks. Come on lets get moving."

I grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the door and towards the bar. I heard a "god, vampires." But I shut him up when I walked him into a brick wall. We walked intro the bar. No one's really here today. There's Bulter, Ronan, Miroku, some other characters, and one very depressed looking Harry potter. I walked over and sat next to Harry who was staring into his glass. Devon sat down next to me.

"What's wrong Harry, snape again?"

"Every one hates me. Most just don't tell me, right?"

"It's true." Devon said, with no remorse. I hit him on the head.

"That's not true Harry." I said putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Prove it." He took a swig of his beer.

"Well things are going well with you and Ginny, right?"

"No! She dumped me for some fag"

Devon started to cough and shift in his seat.

"What is it Devon? Did you sit on a magic ant hill again?"

"No, it's just that I'm that fag who Ginny dumped you for, strange coincidence, huh?

Harry got this crazed look in his eyes. I should have felt bad, but no, I made it worse.

"Wow! Really dev? I thought you were with Hermione, but this is great!"

"Yah Harry's such a loser it's easy to steal girls from him?"

"Really, God, Harry's really that pathetic huh?"

"Yep."

The both of us started to laugh while Harry got more and more angry. Looking at his angry red face made us laugh more. Ok, so we're not nice people. It can't be helped, blame our parents. They caused our existence. Well any way, Harry jump up and held out his wand.

"I challenge Devon to a magic duel!" he shouted out. Every one in the bar turned and looked

"Sure fine." Devon said as he pulled out, his wand?

"where did you get a wand from?"

"I took night classes at a magic school. Can't remember the name, it's in a different series. Put has stronger magic."

"Oh. It looks like one from a cheep magic store" I said as I grabbed it out of his hands to look at it.

"It is! Look the price tag is still on it, god only 99 cents, you're cheap."

He snatched it away mumbling about how it doesn't matter and stuff likes that. He took the wand, waved it a little and…!

Nothing happened. Devon waved it again, but still nothing happened. He started to wave it spastically, but still nothing. He threw it to the ground pointed at the beer in Harry's glass and then at Harry. The beer flew out of the glass and land on the crouch of Harry's pants. Harry started crying and ran out of the bar. Every one started to laugh hysterically! Devon yelled at me,

"Now you owe me a beer."


	6. Envykun gets burned!

"AL YOU ASS HOLE, GET BACK HERE WITH THAT!"

Yes, I know ill never hear the end of this one. Chasing a tin can down the street in my PJs, but he stole my dragon, the bastard! I could remember clearly, oh no! Not a flash back, I didn't mean it! Any thing but,

"_Tippy you're the worst cook I know. I didn't think you could burn cereal."_

_Tippy just growled at me and mumbled something that sounded like "computer programs can't cook." Any way I went to throw out the cereal in the garbage can. I sleepily opened the lid and poured the soggy mess into it._

"_Hey!"_

_Oh god, I'm going crazy, the trash can is talking! Oh shit it stood up! Oh, wait, its only al, thank god. _

"_What the hell are you doing in my house?" I asked him._

_He started to rub his fingers together; I tried to hold my tough face. Ugh, the heart warming ness._

"_I, was, well, um, well, this!" he yelled and grabbed Type, who was licking the milk dripping down his leg._

Good that flash back is over and I can get back to chasing Al. He must have led me all through town. It wasn't long before I started to wonder where Al was taking me. I stopped and looked at my surroundings for a second. I was in a dark, small, smelly alleyway, smiling for this was a dead end and so was al. dead, I mean dead. Al was cowering in a corner as I approached him, fists clenched. He let go of Type, who flew to my shoulder, and screamed

"They made me do it!"

"Who; you tin box!"

"Them!" Al yelled, pointing at the darkness. Before I could see who it was I was hit on the head, with a dead fish.

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Where the hell am I?"

"The bar baka."

"Silver bat?"

"SHUT UP, SHOUT UP, SHUT UP!" Bat yelled, for no reason what so ever. I just blinked uncontrollably.

"Oh shut up!"

"Kira? You to!" I screamed in disbelief.

"Yah so?"

"THANKS TO YOU MY HAIR SMELLS LIKE FISH! WHY A DEAD FISH! YOU COULD HAVE USED A METAL BAT OR SOMTING LESS SMELLY!"

The two just stared.

"I don't smell fish." Kira stated.

"Same here." said Bat.

"Then why the hell is my dragon trying to eat my hair!" I screamed!

Kira shoved a pint of beer into my hands.

"drink up!" she said with a sickly sweet smile."

"Why?" I asked, examining the glass looking for any signs of tampering with the drink inside.

"You're better in the mornings drunk." Bat sighed. I nodded and started to drink.

"We brought you here for a meeting of the Vampire Association."

I nodded, still drinking.

"We are just waiting for our other members." Kira sighed, sounding bored.

"Who?" I asked, putting down my empty mug and picking up a new, full one.

"Us."

I turned to see who it was; standing there was Silver sliver, Emerald Tiara, and….ENVY! DUN! DUN! DUUUUUUUUUUN!

"Wait a tick!" I screamed pointing "they aren't vampires! What the hell!"

"We need more members so we could rent out the back room." Bat chuckled, scratching her head.

"This bar doesn't have a back room." Emerald sighed.

"Baka." added Silver.

"We need to solve the club problem, we need a new name!" I shouted, jumping onto the table.

"We could be the female creature association." Emerald mused.

"I see to problems," silver said "one is that I am not a creature, I'm a wizard/alchemist. Two, Envy is a guy, not a female."

"Well wizards aren't considered human so that gets rid of problem one." Kira hummed.

"But envy isn't a guy!" Bat shouted!

"What!" envy screamed! "I am so a guy!"

"No," I mused "you're a gender confused palm tree."

"Yah, every on knows that." Emerald sighed.

"I am not!"

"You are to!" Emerald and I shouted

"Are not!"

"Are to!" we all shouted

"Are not!"

"Are to!"

"Are not!"

"Are not!"

"Are to!"

"Are to!"

"Not!"

"To!"

"Not!"

"To!"

"Not!"

"To!"

"NOT!"

"TO!

"Not!"

"TO!"

"NOT!"

"TO!"

"Fine you win! I'm a gender confused palm tree damn it!"

"Ok then, welcome to the club." Silver said with a smile, putting an arm around Envy's shoulders "let Draye buy you a drink."

"Hey! I never agreed to that!"


	7. how many licks?

**WARNING! READING THIS CHAPTER IS HAZARDOUS TO YOUR PANTS!**

**This is quite possibly the longest chapter of bar stories EVER. That means it will be packed with more jokes, gags, pranks and other things that will make you more likely to laugh so hard you piss your pants. You have been warned.**

**Disclaimer: I am not liable if you harm your pants in any way due to reading this chapter. Oh and forgive me for my bad spelling of ninja names**

I sighed, since all I really could do was sigh. For some odd reason all the characters of Naruto felt they needed to come to this bar, right now. The only thing I like about this bar was that it was usually empty and quiet. Tonight we had one perverted hermit (you know the frog guy), a drunken kakashi, a pissed saskae, an almost drunk sakura, and a fox kid who decided that when I walked in it would be a great idea to make sixty copies of him self, and then summon a giant frog! I HATE NINJAS. I felt like screaming it out as loud as I could. And so…

"I HATE NINJAS!"

Every one in the bar turned to look at me, hatred in their eyes. The fox kid, Naruto, ran up to me and stared right into my eyes.

"Well I hate…what ever it is you are!" he screamed, pointing at me.

"Kids aren't aloud in bars." I sighed, ignoring his out burst.

"What are you?" the kid asked, looking at me.

"A fuzzy pink bunny wapit, what do I look like?" I glared at Naruto. I hate, hate, hate when people ask me what I am. I have to answer or they won't leave my alone, but who said anything about the right answer? Looking up I noticed all three kids were staring at me.

"Well?" I asked, hoping they would go away soon, I hate when people stare at me. I guess dying my hair purple/blue was a bad idea then.

"I think she's rabbit like she said." Naruto mused.

"No you retard, she's human."

That made a couple of veins in my head anime throb. Never in my life (ok maybe once or twice) had I, Draye Ah Luna, been mistaken for a human! I was outraged. I reached out and grabbed to collar of Saskae's shirt. Slowly I lifted him of the ground.

"Listen kid, I am the feared assassin Draye Ah Luna. I'm a half vampire and half demon, and never in my 317 years have I been called a human!"

I would have thrown the know it all bastard into the dirt, but I felt a light tap at my shoulder. I turned, daggers in my eyes, it was a waitress.

"Draye I wouldn't do that."

"WHY THE HELL NOT!"

"Remember the last time you got into a bar fight?"

I tried to remember, but couldn't. I felt I needed to use it, the dreaded flash-back-o-maker. I closed my eyes as I pressed the big red button that said on it 'do not press'.

Flash back (chapter two):

_I finished beating the crap out of Edward Elric. When I was done I yelled,_

"_Which one of you bitches is next!"_

"_Ahem."_

_I turned and saw the overly-muscled women bartender looking down at me._

"_Um, hi, Miss Bartender Person, that was not a bar fight, I was just hugging him."_

"_Then why is he all bloodied?"_

"_I hugged him too hard. Miss, you're not going to kick me and Silver out are you?"_

"_No, now why would I do that?"_

_I sighed with relief._

"_Only you get thrown out. Silver didn't get into a bar fight, now did she?"_

_She picked me up by my collar and walked to the door._

"_Don't worry Draye; it's still going on your tab!"_

End of flash back:

I growled, swearing once again that I would get Silver to pay that bill. Of course I ignored all other points of the flash back and flung Saskae into, ok maybe through the wall. I snickered, not noticing the same overly muscled women bartender glaring at me from behind.

"Draye, did you get into another bar fight?"

"No miss, I didn't." I said, as sweetly and innocently as I could.

"Well then who did this, and who is going to pay for it?"

"Well, umm,"

I had to think fast, there way no way I could pay for repairs heard a little bell jiggle, and I pointed to the door and yelled "he did it!"

There in the door away stood a very confused looking Gaara and Shino. The bartender cracked her knuckles, the two flinched slightly.

"So which one of you two are going to pay for my wall?"

Gaara pointed to Shino, and Shino pointed to Gaara. The bartender did not look happy; she stormed off saying some one was going to have to pay for it.

Gaara and Shino glared at me, I smiled, scratching the back of my head.

"I'll buy you two a drink." The two nodded.

I walked over to the bar and grabbed two pints, okay make that three. I really needed a drink about now. I quickly handed Shino his and when to look for Gaara. I saw him sitting at a table near the door, staring off into space. I walked over and sat down across from him. He grabbed the drink and gulped it down.

"Wow Gaara I didn't think you were a drinker" I said, after following his suit and handing the empty mugs to a waitress.

"That's because I don't drink."

I look up to see…..Gaara! And he was glaring at me and, Gaara?

I gasped! "What the hell!" I yelled, jumping up and pointing at them, going back and fourth between the two with my finger.

Both Gaaras stared at me.

"One must be Ochimaru!" I yelled, remembering the snake guy who was a master of disguise.

"Yah, but which one?" questioned Naruto, who was standing right next to me now.

"I am the real Gaara." Said the one on the right.

"No I am." Said the one on the left.

"Prove it!" Naruto and I said.

The Gaara on the right looked very confused as he was slapped in the back of the head by sand controlled by the Gaara on the left. It took out my sword and pointed the tip to the throat of the fake Gaara.

"Who the hell are you?" I growled.

"Draye…I. Am. Your. Cousin."

"No way in hell."

In a flash the fake Gaara ripped off his disguise, reveling my cousin.

"Devon? I thought you got banned from the bar?"

"No I didn't! You hired people to keep me out of here!"

I smiled sheepishly.

"Did I do that?"

"Yes, and now I have come to seek my revenge!" he yelled.

All of a sudden Devon's hand looked like that time he had stuck it into the fuse box on the telephone pole. Electricity and the show of birds was it the air. I got into my fighting stance, putting my katana at the ready.

"Where did you learn the chidori?"

"The Village hidden in Leaves dumb ass." He smirked.

"Then why is the book Ninjutsu for Dummies sticking out of your back pocket?" I asked him, a big grin on my face.

"What! I thought I trashed that thing!"

"Stupid as ever."

"Computer geek."

My eyes narrowed as I glared at him, pure hatred in my eyes.

"What is stronger Devon, Your chidori or my blade?"

I showed a bigger smile. My blade was made of hardened demon's blood, the strongest material now in the world.

"Lets find out, 1,"

"2."

"thr." It was then I was cut off. I had just seen the most horrifying thing in my life.

"Devon lets call a truce."

"Why the hell should we?"

"Some one gave Rock Lee a pint."

The two of stared wide eyed at the horrifying thing happening in front of our eyes. Lee chugged down the pint, his cheeks turned pink. Devon and I ran out of that bar as we could; only stopping a block away to watch the horror. The drunken Lee was making the bar into a pile of trash, only stopping to faint when the destruction was done. The overly muscled bartender grabbed lee by the collar and dragged hi off, yelling that he would have to pay for this.

"Hey Draye?"

I turned to see Naruto standing between me and Devon.

"What is it Naruto?"

"What is stronger, Devon's chidori or your blade?"

"You know Naruto the world may never know."

Devon grumbled while walking away from the two of us.

"Stop quoting candy commercials"


	8. hazing is healthy for you i swear

"The second meeting of the mythical we-haven't-come-up-with-the-rest-of-the-name-yet society is now in session, all raise your beer glasses and say 'I hope I get drunk!'"

As people raised there mugs and shouted Silver Bat go off of the table. Few people had turned up tonight, there was me, Silver Bat (AKA Bat), Emerald tiara (AKA Emerald), Envy (AKA Gender confused palm tree), and a new member Inuyasha (AKA Inu-Baka).

"So Bat, what is this meeting about?" I asked; starting on my third pint, thank god vampires have a high tolerance for alcohol.

"Hazing, or as in how we're going to haze Inu-baka."

"Oh, how were you hazed in again?"

"Well…oh shit, I brought on a flash back…"

----------------------------------------------------------------

"_Just do it Bat."_

"_But Draye, I don't need to be hazed! I'm the only member of our club!"_

"_So, just get on with it!"_

_Bat sighed and we walked into the store. I giggled as Bat started to sneak towards the medicine isle. I walked behind her, whispering the name of the item she had to find in her ear. Her face grew redder and redder. Finally she saw it and grabbed it off the selves. She ran towards the counter and paid for it as fast as she could. _

_The next day she went up to her friend Yuri._

"_Yuri-kun," She said deep red in the face. "You know what um, this is for don't you?"_

_She pushed the brown bag into the hands of a confused Yuri. He looked into the bag and smirked._

"_Yah Bat, I know what it's for. But I don't think this much of it is necessary."_

"_Yah, well, it gets used up fast."_

"_It sure does."_

"_Well I'm going, bye!"_

_The very embarrassed Bat ran off and tried to kill me the next time she saw me._

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Thanks to you I found a tub of Vaseline on my pillow every night for a week!"

"I know." I purred, going all cat mouthed.

"Hah, mine was worse!" Emerald shouted, on the edge of drunkenness.

"Oooooh, look at the wavy lines." She said.

"Thanks for another flash back you dope!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"_Do it Emerald!" Kira and I yelled._

"_But it goes against my principles, I swore never to shape shift into the opposite gender!"_

"_Your point?" Kira sighed, I nodded._

_Emerald sighed and shook her head, quickly she transformed. The instant it was completed she shudder._

"_This dangling thing in between my legs is disgusting as hell."_

"_Just get it over with!"_

_Quickly she/he walked over to Envy. Kira and I stayed close behind._

"_Hello Envy."_

"_Oh, hello."_

_Emerald/? Leaned in very close to Envy's face, she gulped._

"_You know Envy I have always felt a certain…connection between us."_

_Envy looked very confused, but Emerald leaned closer, planting her/his lips onto Envy's. The kiss was short, and emerald ran away as fast as she could. After she transformed back into her normal, female form, she nearly threw up in the bathroom of the bar._

_-_------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wait, so it wasn't Ed who kissed me, it was you!"

Emerald slapped him in the back of the head and chugged a pint, hoping that it would wash away the misery that the flash back had brought on. That is why you never use flash backs at home kids.

"Well mine was the worst out of all of yours!" Envy shouted.

"Probably." Every one nodded except Inuyasha.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Well….oh, sorry guys, another flash back."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_Envy, come out of the closet already!" Emerald yelled perhaps she was enjoying this the most._

"_No way in hell!" Envy screamed from behind the door. _

_Silver Sliver walked over to the door and started to draw an alchemy circle on it. When Silver placed her hands on the circle it glowed and shortly after the door stopped glowing it turned to dust. It the closet stood Envy, wearing a palm tree costume and a sign that had the female symbol, male symbol, and a question mark on it. Upon seeing this everyone cracked up. _

"_Ok Envy, go in and do it." I sighed_

"_No." He said, crossing his arms._

"_Yes you will!" Silver said, pushing him out of the door and onto the stage at the full metal alchemist characters convention. Envy walked over to the mike and said into it loudly,_

"_Hello my name is Envy and I'm a gender confused palm tree, thank you." _

_Quickly he walked off the stage and into the crowd as planned. He practically ran out of the double doors and onto the street. Once out of the building he ran home with a bright red face._

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Every one in the bar, besides Envy, was rolling on the floor with laughter. When we were able to drag our selves back to our seats Inuyasha asked me how I had been hazed.

"Well you see Inuyasha…."

"There was no flash back." Bat gasped.

"That can only mean one thing!" Emerald shouted.

I stared to crawl away, hoping they wouldn't notice.

"Draye, you never have been hazed, have you?"

Envy asked me, lifting me up by my hand. I slowly shook my head.

"That means we have two members to haze don't we?" asked Bat and Emerald, who were dragging Inuyasha behind them. The three all grinned evilly as Inu and I cowered in fear.

The next day at in the bar Bat asked fist off what happened to use when we were hazed.

"Inu, you go first." I practically begged.

Inuyasha nodded, and the flash back started.

----------------------------------------------

_There stood Inuyasha on the center stage. Envy held his leash and the three of us watched from the bleachers. The hall buzzed with the sound of a microphone._

"_Envy and his dog Inu-baka have been disqualified because Inu-baka is not a real dog, _that_ is all"_

_-----------------------------------_

"Wow that was a short flash back." Bat sighed.

"Yah, I still can't belief you put me in a dog show!"

"Ok then, what about your haze Draye?" Envy asked

"My haze has no need for a flash back. Two words, Photo, shop." I sighed and pointed to the bulletin board with people crowded around it. The four pushed forward to look at the picture.

"Is that Draye and Winry?"

"Yah, and are they making out?"

"Draye what do you think of this?"

They turned to look at me but I had already disappeared.


	9. i will hurt wrath

There they stood; Emerald, Silver, Bat, Kira, and Sang (PhD heroin); staring at the sign on the door. They were in shock, this was simply not possible! The world would have to end before this ever happened!

The bar was closed.

Silver was rocking back and fourth in the fetal position. Kira was screaming curses into the heavens. Bat was running around in little circles. Emerald and Sang were crying into each other's arms.

"What are we going to do?" Emerald cried.

Every one stopped as evil smiles formed on their lips.

"Let's go bother Draye." Kira snickered.

------------------------

Across town I had no clue what type of plotting was going on. I was happily eating cookie dough while I read a book aloud. Tippy and Type were listening quietly, but M'rain and Trey were making a mess of the kitchen while they tried to cook god knows what.

"What's that smell?" I asked, covering my nose.

"Nothing, we're just melting gummy worms!" Trey yelled.

Tippy decided that now would be a great time to go back into the computer. While Type flew into the kitchen, squweeing in the delight of the knowledge of her favorite food's where abouts. She came out of the kitchen covered in a thick layer of green goop. Seeing that my dragon was becoming a gummy bear I ran into the kitchen to see what had caused this.

"YOU GUYS ARE SO DEAD!!!"

My whole kitchen was covered in the green goop. When an explosion that could have caused this happened I do not know. I turned to glare at the rain demon and vampire half demon. They were the only clean things left in the kitchen.

"YOU CLEAN THIS UP NOW OR GOD HELP YOU!"

"Listen you foolish girl, you can not boss me around." M'rain growled.

"Says the person who mooches off me." I growled.

I shoved a sponge into M'rain's hands and a mop into Trey's. I stormed out of the kitchen and plopped down onto the couch, hoping nothing would disturb me for the rest of the day.

DING-DONG!

Stupid door bell. I rolled off the couch, landing oh so not gracefully onto the floor. Standing up I walked over to the door.

"Who the hell is it?" I yelled, placing my hand onto the door knob.

"Pizza."

"I didn't order a pizza."

I walked away and sat back down onto the couch.

DING-DONG!

I growled, once again walking over to the door.

"Who is it?"

"Candy gram."

"No thank you."

I decided it would be best not to walk away so I stood there for about a minute.

DING-DONG!

"Who's there?"

"Land shark."

"Ok that's funny, real funny. Now tell me who it is or I'm not opening this door.

"It's Silver and the rest of the Mythical Psychopath Society. The bars closed and if any one had beer it's you."

"That gives me five reasons to not let you in."

"No! It only gives you four!" Shouted every one on the other side of the door.

I was not listening to them; I had gone to go check on the two dip sticks who had messed up my kitchen. Walking into said kitchen I was shocked! Not a drop of melted gummy worms any where, even Type was clean.

"Wow."

"You like?" Trey asked with a smile.

"Yah, now you have to leave, the gang is here and if they find out you live with me I'll never here the end of it."

M'rain nodded and faded out, disappearing as he went back to limbo or were ever else he lived. Trey jumped out of the window, landing with out a scratch six feet below. I closed the window, brought Type into my room, turned off Tippy, locked type in my room and grabbed the few bottles of beer that were in the fridge and placed them on the kitchen table in a bowl of ice. I looked around my apartment, taking in how clean it was and trying to calculate how dirty it would get. Sighing I walked over and opened the door. I counted the people as they walked past me.

Emerald Tiara

Silver Sliver

Silver Bat

Kira

Sang

Dev

Rabi

Not too many. I stopped Rabi, Dev and Sang. Looking them over I tried to figure if I should let them stay or not. Emerald walked over and stood next to me. She kicked Dev in the stomach once, head twice, and groin thrice before she kicked him out the door. I guess Dev wasn't staying. Emerald walked away happy. I stared at Rabi and Sang.

"Rabi."

"Yes?"

"How old are you?"

"18."

"Sang."

"Yes?"

"How old are you?"

"Ummmm, I don't know."

Looking at the two I realized that I didn't want them here, yet didn't not want them here. But only one could stay, I did feel like bothering with two insane teenagers (realize everyone I let in is over 100 years old, myself being 317.)

"Let me in." Grunted Devon, who was 316 years old.

"I guess who guys have to leave."

"But if we don't stay this chapter doesn't count as a fanfic!"

"Really? But Emerald and I are characters in a book."

"Unpublished books don't count."

I got upset and closed the door in their faces, just to prove the point of me not giving a crap. A turned and looked around the room.

Kira and Bat were rummaging around in the kitchen trying to find blood.

Silver was drunk. Who do I know? Would a sober were wolf in human form chase their tail? I thought so.

Emerald had taken the form of a fairy and was riding on my ceiling fan.

Devon was drunk as well. He was chasing Silvers tail. Now remember what I said about her being in human form?

I sat down on the couch. I turned to the person making purring noises next to me.

"Hi Opal."

"Hi!"

"What you doing here, I didn't let you in."

"Yah you did, I was just in cat form so you didn't notice!"

"Damn you were cat."

"Heh, any way, play truth or dare!"

"Fine. HEY GUYS WE"RE PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE!!!!"

A "YAY!" could be heard and we all gathered into a circle.

"Ok, since this is my house I go first! Kira, truth or dare?"

"Ummmm, dare."

"Ok then, I dares you to….lick Devon's neck."

"What! I am not going to lick that whacko!"

"I'm not letting her lick me!" yelled Devon!

"You have to." Silver giggled.

Kira sighed and crawled over to Devon. After they both said a prayer to the heavens Kira licked Devon's neck. Devon screamed out in pain as he ran to the bathroom. Every one stared at him blinking.

"He's allergic to vampire saliva." I said to the questioning faces.

"Ok then, my turn! Bat, truth or dare!" Kira yelled out.

"Truth."

"Did you and Yuri ever use that Vaseline?"

"No." She answered, but even so her face turned bright red.

"Ok then," Bat coughed "Truth or dare Opal?"

"Dare!" she said with a smile.

"I dare you to spend the rest of the night duck taped to the ceiling."

"Ok!"

After five minutes of every one struggling we finally managed to get her onto the ceiling.

"Silver, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to go dye your hair pink."

"No! Not pink, any thing but pink! I don't want to look like Sakura!"

"To bad!" Opal then poured something into Silvers hair, which also got onto my green couch. As silver tried to rub the stuff out of her hair it was turned not pink, but hot pink! AS silver cried she asked Emerald truth or dare.

"Truth."

"Have you ever transformed into a boy for fun? If yes then when and why."

"Yes I have, about three weeks ago to spy on Murtagh while he took a shower in the locker room; I pretended to wash my hands."

All of us stared at her; Emerald didn't seem like the peeping type of person.

"Draye, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Sing the barney song."

"Emerald, please no! You know what happens when I sing that song!"

"You're point? Just sing it."

I took a deep breath in before I started to sing.

"I love you, you love me, we're a great big family."

The apartment began to shake.

"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,"

A cloud a smoke appeared next to me.

"Won't you say you love me to?"

Wrath jumped out of the cloud of smoke and started to hug me.

"Ah it burns!" I yelled, running around the room frantically, trying to pry off Wrath-Chan. After five minutes I finally pulled him off and sent him home.

"Devon, truth or dare!"

"Dare."

"I dare you to him on the lips!" I yelled, pointing to M'rain who had just appeared next to me on the couch. Devon protested but Silver and Emerald pushed him forward while I held Rain down. There lips met and we all gave a glorious applause! Devon ran out of my house, and was shortly followed by everyone, even Opal, saying they had work in the morning. M'rain glared at me.

"Why did you do that?"

"I told you to stay way." I yelled, slamming my bed room door in his face. I changed into PJs and crawled into bed.

"Hello Draye."

Arms wrapped around me.

"Wrath, go home!" I yelled I peeled him off me and threw him out of the window. Going back to bed I groped around for Bear, my teddy bear. It was then that I realized that the little ass had stolen bear!

"Curse you!" I screamed as I drifted into sleep.

When I woke up that morning I found Bear on my kitchen table along with an email. Opening it a saw a picture of me sleeping with bear. It was signed love your cousin Devon. That was it; I was never playing truth or dare again.


	10. Draye is the biggest in the world

**Hello there! This is the author's note.**

**Wow, I'm writing an author's note…it feels tingly.**

**Oh, I am Kath Marcoh, Draye's first OC. Tonight I will be authoring because, well how do I put this?**

**Tonight is that day once a year that every author and character fears. It is the day people like me come out of the shadows.**

**Tonight is OC night.**

**OC's get to drink for free this night, and every one you isn't one has top pay extra. Since Draye wasn't in the bar she asked me, her oldest character to tell you what happened that night. So sit back and enjoy because thins only happens once a year.**

**-----------------------------------------------**

I walked into the bar; the noise was about a dull roar at the moment.

Lucky me.

I had come alone, since the other original characters from Red blood didn't feel like coming, still tired from last chapter. I looked around for people I could talk to, I saw Ally. Ally was the main character in Draye's other FMA fiction. I called out her name and walked over to her.

"Hey Ally, having fun?"

"Yah, but that bastard Sam didn't show."

"Guys are like that. Are any other FMA OC here?"

"Well there is Hane from the winged alchemist, Taylor from I love alchemy… no one else though."

"As in cute guy wise?"

"Yep, oh, there is Akuma and Apollo!"

The two other Draye OC walked over; Akuma was from Draye's Naruto fic, while Apollo was from an Artemis one. Apollo was the youngest Draye OC, still learning the ropes.

"Hey ninja."

"Hello alchemist."

Naruto and FMA characters don't get along, at all. FMA used to be the greatest anime out, but Naruto was slowly taking over, and some were sub nosed about it. Aiso was one of them, but Akuma wasn't.

"Hi guys." Apollo smiled.

We ignored her, book characters were weird, I mean look at Drayna. Can't hold her liquor one bit, that's most likely why she wasn't here.

Ally dragged Apollo away, warning her of Akuma and mine 'hot tempers'. Hot tempers my ass.

"So Akuma, having fun?"

"Yah, considering your family didn't show up."

"Same goes for yours, demon."

"Demon? I'm just the container for one; at least I'm not a homunculus."

"Oh really bitch?"

"Nope! It goods to see you!"

"Same Akuma, boy we are getting to be good actors!"

"Yep, oh I want you to meet some friends of mine!"

Akuma grabbed my arm and dragged me to a table. Sitting around it were a few Naruto CO. I could see Kanako (Claws of twilight), Devon (the other uchiha brother), Shadow, and Hikaru (**Enlightenment**). They were gulping down a mug of beer, well Shadow was sipping slowly.

"Hey guys. This is Kath, she's from Red blood."

Kanako sighed, putting down her glass.

"Listen Akuma, I don't really want to waste time talking, I want to waste time getting drunk."

"I ditto that." Hikaru said with a wide grin.

Shadow sighed, a long, I-cant-believe-I'm-here type sigh.

"Well I could be getting drunk to, but Kath wanted to meet you."

"I did not!"

Kanako growled.

"But it is lovely meeting you. Oh, is that Ronin? I have to go!"

Ronin Takoda had just walked in, Toklata walking in behind him (Pride under the crescent moon)

"I guys!"

"Who are you?"

"Umm, it's me, Kath."

"I don't remember ever meeting you."

Ugh, Ronin was no help. Toklata was smiling happily, not caring that she wasn't supposed to be in the bar.

"Listen Vampire, I not in a good mood, and they are scaring me."

I pointed to the table of Naruto characters; they just stared at me, waiting.

"If you want my help you shouldn't insult me first."

"Well I'm a homunculus, you should fear me."

"A what? Oh, you're from FMA, good for you, puny alchemist."

I growled as the vampire stalked away, dragging his assistant behind him.

No one likes me, good, I like to get drunk with peace and quiet.

"Hey Kath."

"Oh god, not you guys."

Sitting on either side of me were some of Emerald Tiara's OC's. Saturnina and Hilaria; two of the biggest crazies I know.

"Hey Kath."

"Hi Grace, hi Michelle."

"Don't call us that!"

"Fine, so what you up to?"

"Oh nothing, I'm with Eragon and the varden." Saturnina sighed

"And I'm a damsel in distress."

"You're a damsel? Wow you learn something new every day." Saturnina smirked.

"I loathe you."

"Ditto."

I stared, amazed at there Traj-ness.

"So…I heard your story got sappy." Hilaria took a large sip from her bottle

"Only because it was a sappy part, and I have no control over it."

"If I had control I would be a dragon rider." Hilaria sighed

"If I had control I would kill Eragon and Arya."

"If I had control I would kill Ed, he pisses me off."

We stared at each other, a plan forming in our heads.

"We can kill Emerald and Draye, and then write the stories our selves." I snickered.

"Oh yes, that will do nicely." Saturnina chuckled.

"We will have the power!" Hilaria jumped up!

"I say arsenic." I said maniacally.

"Or we could use Avada cadava." Hilaria said.

"I say we misuse Zar'oc."

"That sounds good."

"Yep, so when does the plan start."

"Never, you conniving bitches."

The three of use turned and stared at who was behind us.

It was Emerald and Draye.

"You're not OC's, how did you get in?"

"Both of are OC's in this fic, and in Demy god."

The three of us now knew what we had to do…

"RUN!!!!!"

We ran out of the bar as fast as we could, not looking back.

The next day I was forced to do this, as community service, I hate my author. Don't read her stories, they suck.

"Kath are you done yet!" Draye yelled from the kitchen, where she was eating lime jello.

"Almost, you bitch!"

"Ten more words for that young lady!"

"Fine!"

Here are the ten last words. Please read and review.


	11. Contest, name the bar! put in review

I sighed, not that I could help it. I flicked the little aluminum pull tap and growled, frustrated about what Bat had done.

She had ordered me a Root Beer.

Sure I love root beer, but real beer is better. But more importantly I was at the bar! I was supposed to drink here.

"Cheer up Draye, it's only because you have high blood pressure."

"Vampires are supposed to have high blood pressure."

"Hey, I could have gotten you fruit juice."

I growled and peered at the can. The ingredients looked interesting…

Sugar, blah, artificial flavorings, blah, high fructose corn syrup, blah, caramel coloring, blah, no caffeine…

NO CAFFEINE!!!!

"SILVER BAT!!!!"

"What?"

"This has no caffeine!"

"So?"

"First you take away my alcohol, now my caffeine? I hope the lite-brite gods frown upon you!"

"Lite-brite gods? Draye, did you run away from the men in white coats again?"

"Again? I thought it was my first offense."

Bat sighed and slowly took in some precious beer from her glass. I was only a millimeter of pride away from the puppy eyes when my favorite gun-slinger walked through the door.

The black cat, Train was walking in all smug, but I'm not talking about him, oh no.

Dante had just walked in, disoriented and looking lost. Probably thought this was the Bull's Eye, not…

….did this bar have a name?

Any way I sat there, watching them.

Train ordered milk; Dante ordered tomato juice.

Train was humming his own tune; Dante was silently singing hard rock.

Similar, yet different.

They both had weird eyes; Train with yellow cat like and Dante with the color shifting ones.

They had 'lady's friends' for partners; Train had the suit wearing, eye patch, gentlemanly Sven and Dante had the fat, greedy, drunken Enzo.

They had guns; Train had Hades and Dante had Ebony AND Ivory.

They had strange personalities; Train is crazy, yet kind and Dante is sarcastic and crazy.

When you add up the facts it is quiet hard to pick the better.

I poked Bat, hoping she could shed some light, of coarse I poked her hard with hilt of my sword. I know, no weapons allowed, but Dante and Train had theirs.

"Hey Bat, who is better, Dante or Train."

"I think Train."

"I vote Dante."

"You only say that because he's a demon hybrid like you."

"No, because he rules harder."

"Dude, the guy killed his jute-box!"

"And your point?"

"You dig the crazies."

"Look who's talking, Yuri isn't sane."

"Yuri and I aren't dating, hell we're hardly speaking."

"Oooooh, defensive."

"Shut up."

"I win."

"Well look at Sissy Mary and Trey (tray)"

"They are only there cuz I can't pay the rent by my lonesome."

"They don't exist."

"Neither does Yuri."

"Touché."

"So, I go annoy Dante now."

"Your funeral."

I smirked and left Bat to stare from the table. Walking over I saw Dante glance at me.

"Hey Demon slayer."

I leaned next to him, letting my elbow rest on the counter and the hilt of my sword poke him in the thigh.

"Cute kid, but I hate nick names."

"I'm not a kid, I'm 317."

"So? Wait, what the pizza oven?"

"I'm a demon vampire mix breed. Immortal and sexy, we have a lot in common."

"Yah, except the you being sexy part."

I heard Bat spit out her drink and roar with laughter.

"Hey now! Don't make you cut you up to little pieces."

Dante turned and looked at me quizzically. He stared to poke me, first my stomach, and then my boobs. I'll tell you that slap make will be red for weeks. Bat enjoyed a minute of rolling on the floor after she fell out of her chair.

"What the hell was that for you perv!"

"I thought you were Virgil in disguise, you know, the cutting people up thing."

"So? I don't have gravity defying hair, now do I?"

I growled, but stopped when I felt a gun being put to the back of my head.

"You spilled my milk."

"Dude, no use crying over cow juice." Dante sighed.

"Yah, but I only had enough money for one, and she spilled it."

Master plan, under way.

"Dante, I wouldn't piss him off, he's the world's best gunman."

Train smirked, Dante grunted.

"This kid? No way in hell. He'd be lucky to shoot his own foot."

"What did you say?"

"I said you don't know the trigger from the bullet"

"Listen bastard!"

I slowly inched away and sat back down with Bat to watch the two. Their shouts were herd all over the bar until…

Train pulled out Hades and fired two shots at Dante's head. Dante dodged and shot Ivory and ebony one after the other a few times.

This repeated a few times until….

Holes were every where and the two were out of bullets. Barbra had come out from the back, pissed as hell and handed the two the tools to fix the little holes. Train and Dante growled once more and stalked out for the task at hand.

"So Draye, done with your root beer?"

"Only when you put the caffeine in it."


	12. Panic at the DisBar Party

January 19, 2007- 11:27 pm- Bar that you need to name!!!!

"Is every one here?" Devon called out, looking ridiculous a party favor stuck in his mouth.

"I don't know, ROLE CALL!!!" Emerald screamed out!

"Silver's here!"

"Bat's is here!"

"Dante present!"

"Ouka in the house!"

"It's a bar you idiot, M'rain's accounted for!"

"Kira was, no, is here!"

"Envy's alive."

"Ed's dead."

"Al killed him."

"Temari's bored."

"Gaara wants sugar."

"Naruto seconds that."

"Draye's leaving."

Emerald slapped me on the back of the head.

"You aren't aloud to leave; we came here for your birthday."

Every one nodded, minus Gaara and Devon.

"Hey, we're here for Devon, Gaara, and my birthday!"

Gaara and Devon nodded, looking pleased.

"Umm, not really, I only came for you." Emerald sighed.

"Same!" yelled Silver, Bat, Kira, M'rain, Dante, Ouka, Emerald, and Envy.

"We came for Devon." sighed Naruto, Ed and Al.

"I came for him also;" called Envy and Emerald "but only slightly."

"So I'm the only one who came for Gaara?" Temari cried out, reaching out to hug her poor brother.

"Don't touch me." He screamed.

"That's why no one came for Gaara." I stated.

"Ok then," Devon called out "we're all here, time for presents! Who got me stuff?"

Ed and Al stood and handed Devon a poorly wrapped box.

"It's from the both of us." Al smiled.

Devon poked the box, a terrible hiss and growl came from inside. Devon peeled off the wrapping and opened the lid

"SHIT!!! OW!!! DAMN YOU!!!! FUCK!!!"

Devon ran around the bar clawing at his face trying to get the kitten to remove its claws from his skin.

"Sorry Devon, I thought it would be a great present." Al sighed, stroking the cat's fur.

I sat there, trying to but tiny band-aids on the thousands of claws marks now left on Devon's face.

"Do you want my present?" Naruto asked.

"It's not deadly is it?" Devon growled.

"Nope."

"Fine, but you open it, I'm busy. Draye, that tickles."

"Don't blame me; the cat almost got your jugular."

Naruto smiled and opened the box. He pulled out a shirt and held it out for Devon to see.

The shirt was hideous. It was neon orange with blue stripes coming from the color and stopping mid way. Hot pink spirals danced al over the shirt like poka dots.

"Thanks Naruto, I needed a new rag cloth."

Naruto went to go hide in a corner.

"Any others?" Devon asked, boredom seeping from his voice.

"Emerald forgot one, so I'll say this is from both me and her." I said.

"Ok, give me."

"You will become an official mythical psychopath society member, but in order for that to be possible you need a name different than that given to you by your human parents. So I came up with one that suits you."

"Oh shit." Devon cursed under his breath.

"From tonight on you'll be known as………

…….. Zafe!

(To see Zafe's bio go to )

"Ok then Draye…. You want my present?"

"Give me!"

"I got you a Hi!"

"A joint?"

"No, those are too expensive, a hi as in a hello."

"Cheep bastard, any one else?"

Bat Pushed Dante forward. I sighed; it was anther 'from the both of us' presents.

"Bat says that I have to striptease for you."

Zafe, Naruto, Al, Ed, and Gaara screamed in horror and ran around in little circles. All the female members just stared, mouths agape.

"Please don't Dante, Trey would kill me."

Dante shrugged and sat back down. Happily he munched on a pizza slice as if nothing had happened.

M'rain poked me in the shoulder.

"I got you the gift of snow."

"You mean the snow this morning."

"Yes, that was me."

"That sucked, the snow stopped, melted, and I didn't get a snow day. You suck."

M'rain faded away to go sulk in the limbo. I looked around to see if any one else had a present for me.

WHAMP

Silver had thrown her present at me, and it had hit me square in the face.

I growled, but opened it greedily. I gulped as I slowly pulled the present out of the box.

"You got me a straight jacket."

"Yah, it seemed like the perfect thing, Envy picked it out and I paid for it."

"So it's from the both of you?"

Envy nodded. Boy guys are cheap.

"Oooooh, I got you new throwing knives!" Kira screamed out.

"Really, that's the best present so far!"

"But I left them at home, sorry."

I growled, this was turning out to be some lousy birth day.

"Don't fret, I got you something." Emerald said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"What?"

I took it from her.

"You got me a box?"

"Pretty box, with a kit to clean, sharpen and care for your sword. It special for blood blades."

"This is AWSUME!!"

Emerald stuck her tongue out at the pry member, she being the only one to give a good gift.

"So that leaves you Ouka, what you get me?"

"You can haze me."

"Dude, you're a new member, we have to do it any way."

"Well you can do it tonight, besides I'm broke."

"Okay, then you have to……

…………..Give Gaara the TALK."

"You mean the boy and bee talk?"

"Yah."

"That not too hard."

"Why do you think Yashamaru's dead."

Ouka sighed and grabbed Gaara's hand. She led him over to a dark corner and said about five sentences worth of words. She dragged a wide eyed, scare to death Gaara back to the bar.

"What did you do to my brother?"

"I told him about sex, duh."

I cracked up

"You have no morals Ouka!"

Zafe sighed

"Welcome to the club."


	13. HOW TO PO PSYCHOPATHS

I sat there at the bar, alone. No one was around besides me and the bartender Trish. I was typing away at my lap top, deciding to use the quiet to get some work done, and yet no. I was just goofing around.

"So Draye, what are you working on?"

"Oh nothing, I was just goofing around and making HOW TO ANNOY lists."

"Really, those are funny, who do you have down?"

"Just me, Envy, Bat, Emerald, Zafe and Barbra."

"BARBRA!!! I have to read that!"

I nodded and turned the screen around so she could view it.

**Barbra (owner of The Twisted Tales character bar)**

**1-**Break tables

**2-**Break chairs

**3-**Table dance

**4-**Shoot holes in the walls

**5-**Give Rock Lee a drink

**6-**Bar fights

**7-**Shot contests

**8-**Drunken people making out with other drunken people of the same gender and/or related

**9-**Drunken people stripping

**10-**Allow the Mythical Psychopath Society into the bar

---------------------------------------------------------

"Want to read the rest?" I asked Trish, who was a moment away from rolling on the floor. She could barely manage a nod.

----------------------------------------------------------

**Envy-Kun**

**1-**Call him gender confused

**2-**Call him palm tree

**3-**Call him palm tree head

**4-**Call him girl palm tree head

**5-**Call him gender confused palm tree

**6-**Call him gender confused palm tree head

**7-**Steal and wear his headband

**8-**Dye his hair HOT pink

**9-**While he is sleeping, super glue him into a too-too

**10-**Make fun of his mini skirt

**Bat-Chan**

**1-**Read over her shoulder

**2-**Hug her

**3-**Stick her in a closet with Virgil

**4-**Put stickers on her katana

**5-**Denie her sugar for a week

**6-**Make her listen to Ouka talk about what Ouka and Ray did last night

**7-**insult her drawings (they are really good though)

**8-**Ask her for blood repeatedly

**9-**Give Virgil her clarinet

**10-**Steal her ear-rings and wear them

**Zafe / Devon**

**1-**Tell people about his obsession with porn (he doesn't have one by the way)

**2-**Call him a noob

**3-**Tell him his stories suck (It's because he's a noob)

**4-**Make fun of his powers over wind (AKA call him an air-head)

**5-**Tell his girl-friend that he's cheating on her, with Envy

**6-**Tell him that his chidori sounds like a dieing Emu

**7-**Ask him what hair dye he uses for his tips (it's really natural)

**8-**Lock him in a room with Emerald

**9-**Make fun of his class grades

**10-**Steal his video games

**Emerald**

**1-**Force her to watch the Eragon movie

**2-**Get her obsessed with new anime/manga

**3-**Steal her coffee

**4-**Steal her lap-top

**5-**Call her rapiers pointy sticks

**6-**Reapetivly play FMA ready steady go

**7-**Force her to read sappy fanfics

**8-**Force her to spend time with Nora (her mother)

**9-**Tell Envy where she lives

**10-**Flame her stories

**Draye**

**1-**Poke her repeatedly

**2-**Call her midget

**3-**Take away her caffeine

**4-**Tell her cursing is bad

**5-**Call her Draye-Kun

**6-**Make funny of her mispronunciation of words

**7-**Piont out her speling misstakes

**8-**Stick her in a Closet with Ed Elric

**9-**Whistle loudly

**10- **Not reviewing her stories


	14. eloo mate dear

"Zafe, why did you force me to come?"

"I didn't want to be alone with Emerald."

"Oh, okay, but still, I don't want to be stuck with Naruto."

"You won't be, go bother religious dude."

I looked over to see whom Zafe was pointing at. The bar wasn't very crowded, just a few Naruto characters and …. Abel Nightrode.

"Oh god not him" I shuttered and ducked behind Zafe.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's from the Vatican; those people always try to exorcize me!"

"And god knows you need It." sighed Emerald, who surprisingly had just spoken for the first time this chapter.

"Oh no I had just put in my 13 sugar cubes too!" cried Abel. Naruto snickered at his handiwork, having spilt Abel's tea all over Abel's lap.

"You're afraid of this guy?" both Emerald and Zafe sighed.

"He's a crusnik; those dudes are like Satanists who worship Wicca!"

"And that is why you never give Draye more than 15 bottles of cold sake, you got that Zafe?" Emerald sighed, taking a sip of her 5th bottle of hot sake. Zafe could barely hold back his laughter as he gave a nod.

"Oi, what's a crusnik?" asked Naruto, who had just sat down next to me.

"A crusnik is a vampire that drinks the blood of other vampires."

"Oh, then aren't you a crusnik? Believe it!"

"If you think of it that way, then I guess, but on a higher note, do you see me drinking tea with 13 sugar cubes in it, at, a, bar?"

"No, Believe it."

"Yah, I thought so, and stop believing it or I'll chop off your jewels, believe it?"

"No."

"Well believe it or not!"

I winced as Zafe smacked the back of my head. He began to once again yell at me for quoting things off of the TV. Emerald looked at her watch.

"Dudes, I have to go. I need to feed my OC's"

"Lousy excuse, why don't you just teach em how to use a stove, I taught mine!"

"Well unlike you Draye, I don't want my mother's house burnt down."

"That's why I live alone in a flat!" I smiled happily; Emerald just groaned and slammed the door behind her. Zafe stared at me, as did Naruto.

"Eh, what's with the down faces mate's?" I asked.

"You're talking in brit speak." Zafe said, fear slightly in his voice.

"Sos, I have good reason, Cain just dragged 'imself through the door."

Every one turned to look as the young earl walk through the door.

"He's dressed a bit too much to be smoosin' in a bar, don't yah say?" Zafe asked, and then he hit me on the head.

"Aye, what's wit the Draye bashing?" I yelled, rubbing me sore noggin.

"Yah got me doing it too mate! I's really peeved by it!" Zafe growled.

"Actually Zafe sounds like he's a Scotsman more than a Britain." Cain sighed, taking a seat next to me.

"Aye, and he does fancy wear a skirt too!" Naruto, Cain and I burst out laughing, while Zafe sat there fuming. He calmed down quick, and a sly smile formed on his lips. With a wave of his hand he created a breeze powerful enough to knock all three of our glasses into our laps.

"Oi, what was that for?"

"Listen Mate, I speak like a brit, sos I don't need yee to tell me I don't aye."

Cain sighed "You speak like a buffoon, and now I am wet."

"Yah Zafe, stop being an arse." I whined

"Indeed." Cain agreed

"Believe it mate, Oi, now im don it too!"

"I hate all of yews." Zafe growled.

"The feelings the same love." I laughed, starting to feel the effects of that 17th bottle of sake.

"Oi Cain, I herd you know your way around the poison cupboard, am I right?" Zafe asked, finally getting the hang of brit speak.

"Indeed I do, if I may ask, why do you want to know?"

"I need something that ill cause the mind to play tricks on yah self, you got any stuff like that?" Zafe whispered into Cain's ear

"Yes…why do you want some?"

"Oi, that's a secret now mate."

"Zafe, yew whisperin' sweet nothin's into dear Cain's ear? I don't think you have a chance at courting him." I giggled, my word slurring.

"Shut yee trap girl, I don't play for that team, yee hear?"

"Aye, I don't yee hear mate."

"Listen, I think's Yew's had enough Draye dear….Need an escort home?"

"Aye Naruto love, but don't think you can get away with nothing, even if I am in this hear state." I yelled, wagging a finger at him.

"I'd never think of such a thing." Naruto said, looking over at Zafe and shrugging his shoulders.

"Don't worry mate, She'll be fine in a jiff. I should comes with yee too. My mind aint right any more. I guess 18 bottles of beer's me limit."

"Oi, that means we are all drunk then mate?" Naruto asked, his words slightly slurred

"I guess what you've been drinkin?" Zafe asked, waving good bye to Cain and heading out the door with me and Naruto.

"I had five bottles of plum wine, to celebrate."

"Oi listen, my flats the closest, why don't yews hang with me till our minds work again?" I said, grabbing their hands and dragging them towards my building.

"Sounds good mate!" They said in unison.

--------------------------------------------------------

"Morning Draye!" Emerald yelled as she slammed the door open.

I groaned and covered my ears.

"Not so loud." I whispered.

"What? I can't hear you in the kitchen!" Emerald yelled.

I groaned once more and rolled out of bed, or tried, I had rolled onto my cousin. It was no big deal that he was in my bed.

"Hey Zafe, get up."

"What?" He whispered. He opened his eyes slightly but closed them quickly. "OH god Draye, the light burns!"

"Quiet!" I whispered hoarsely. I rolled the other direction and landed on the floor, and on Naruto.

"Hey, what was that for!" Naruto yelled. "Oh my head!" He curled up into a fetal position from the sound of his own voice.

I dragged myself out of the Bedroom and into the kitchen. Emerald handed me a cup of coffee, looked at me, and sighed.

"Dude, I haven't seen you this hung over since you and Kira had that sake contest."

"Yah, yah." I said, taking in long sips of coffee. Zafe and Naruto had dragged themselves into the room and were now taking in mouthfuls of the black liquid.

"Oh, they're here too. What did you guys do while I was gone?"

"Nothing." Naruto sighed.

"Yah" Sighed Zafe "I mean , we hung out with Cain from Godchild."

"And we were all just drunk laughing our heads of and talking with British accents." I said sleepily.

"Guys, do you know what that means?" Emerald mused.

"No." the three hangovers groaned.

"You guys are now officially pirates!"


	15. Of brothers and hooters

"Draye this is the best! But come on, how come we're the only half demons in the M.P.S.?"

"Because Night, we're cool like that!"

I smiled as I sat there across the table from the newest Mythical Psychopath Society member, Night. Why were we the only members in the bar this night? Well simple really, it was one of those annoying themed nights again.

Far and wide all the half demons were going to get bottles or liquor at two for the price of one.

"By the way Night, how do you count as a half demon?"

"Well even those I came from the place where evil was created and not Heaven, I am considered to be a fallen angel, AND fallen angels are considered half demon."

I nodded and pretended I understood what she had just explained to me.

I looked around the bar, and then ducked under the table.

Trey, Dante, and Vergil had just come through the door.

"Hey Draye-kun!" Dante shouted.

I sighed, my clever hiding skills hadn't paid off. Night smiled and waved at the three, even though she had no clue who they were at all. The three came over and sat down at our table.

"So Dante, Ver, where's your baby sitter?"

"Bat isn't a half demon, you idiot." Trey sighed. I ignored him and stared at the pissed faces across the table.

Night just smiled and drank some more beer, still utterly confused.

Finally sensing her distress I sighed.

"Trey, Dante, Vergil, this is Night, a new member."

The three stared at her, or more at her wings. They were feathered, black, tattered, and blood stained.

"Um, guys," I said, waving my hands in front of their faces "tell Night about your selves."

Trey snapped back to reality the fastest, which surprised me.

"I'm Trey, I'm not a character, or an OC. I live with Draye and umm, well."

"You have sex with her don't you?" Night mused.

"Hell no, bad new member, saying such a thing!" I yelled, waging a finger at her. She just shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm Dante and this is my Twin," "Older" Vergil interrupted. "… my OLDER twin Vergil. We're from the Devil May Cry video games," "And manga. " Vergil finished. Dante glared at Vergil, who just kept smirking.

"Are they always like this?" Night whispered into my ear.

"Yah, drink up, you'll need it." I said, taking a swig from my own bottle. Night smiled at me and asked if I was going to pay.

"Hey! If your going to pay for her, then pay for me too!" Trey growled. Dante and Vergil agreed with him and soon all four were whining at me.

"Hey, hey! Who said anything about me paying for you guys to get drunk?"

"But Draye, please!"

"Don't make me tell them."

Night's eyes grew wide in shock and a look of horror was on her face.

"Please Draye, any thing but that!"

"Fine, then pay for your self." I smiled; happy I had gotten away from paying, for once.

"What were you going to say?" Asked Inuyasha, taking a seat next to Night.

"Well Inu-baka, I was going to tell about Night dear's hazing."

"You know," She said, wagging a finger "I may not seem it, but I'm stilled emotionally scared from that."

"It cant be as bad as mine." Inuyasha sighed.

"Oh but it is!" Shouted Night, slamming her hands down onto the table.

"Then what was it?" Vergil asked.

"They, they, they, OH the horror!" Night started to sob into her beer. Every one turned to look at me.

"Well, we made her go on a date with Havoc, you know, from FMA."

Inuyasha snorted "That's not so bad.

"…at a hooters."

Inuyasha fell to the ground and started twitching. Dante and Vergil hugged each other is terror. Trey stared at Night shocked. "How could you survive?" he asked.

"I…I… I slapped him!" Night shouted.

"I slapped him 38 times before he stopped looking at those woman's _assets_!"

All the guys flinched, glad that they hadn't been slapped. The five of us, erm wait a sec, I have to count.

Me, 1

Night, 2

Dante, 3

Vergil.4

Trey, 5

Inuyasha, 6

Vail, 7…..

Vail?

I stared across the bar and saw my brother, elder by 341 years, standing near the door.

"Vail you ass hole!" I screamed at him as I jumped out of my seat and tried to charge at him, but Trey was holding me back with his arms around my waist and was holding me above the ground.

"Let me go so I can kill him!" I screamed as I kicked and flailed in Trey's arms. Night, Inuyasha, and Dante stared in confusion.

Vergil didn't give a shit.

"Oh my, my cute little sister is trying to kill me…again." Vail sighed as he sat down next to Vergil.

"You killed Nella you bastard, not to mention all the immortal vampires in the demon council and our Brother!"

"So?"

"Evil older brother! Why do I have to have an evil older brother?"

Inuyasha and Dante sighed "We have them too yah know." They said in unison.

"You have what?" Night asked.

"Older brothers who try to kill us. Just the other day Vergil tried to cut off my head." Dante sighed.

"And my brother, Sessomaru, tries to kill me when ever he sees me." Inuyasha said.

"I guess authors have things against Older brothers." Vergil sighed.

"Well then be glad you don't have a younger sister!" Night shouted.


	16. toocleantodirtydesk syndrom

I lay haphazardly on my couch. The new episode of House had just ended and I had turned the T.V. off and taken to my new hobby, staring at the black screen. Type squirmed on my lap, nerved by my sudden stillness, or she was pissed that I had turned off the tube. I could really care less which of the two it was.

I looked around my apartment; it was strangely clean since tiding up after Passover Seder had caused me to go into cleaning spree mode. Every nook and cranny was shinning, even Type shined.

Cleaning the whole house wasn't hard. The kitchen was open, the only thing separating it from the living room was a corner top and a bar like a dinners. Three stools were lined up at the bar, a half eaten piece of matzo I had grabbed as a snack 30 minutes before sat on the counter top. A few feet in front of the kitchen bar sat the couch I was day-dreaming on. My small T.V sat on a shelf and so did a few pictures. They mainly were in black and white and faded with age. All were of people who I knew, all had died.

I did have pictures of the living and in color too, but only on the corkboard hanging in the hall by the coat rack, which was by my teal blue door. Oh, and the MPS group picture which I kept on my night stand.

Any way on with the tour… one of my katanas, a simple metal one, hung from the wall right above my TV. Over too the right was the door to my bathroom. It was a small one, no bigger than a broom closet for I think it used to be a broom closet. It was white and blue and a shower/bathtub big enough so I could lay down with my cat sized dragon sitting on the closet toilet, which would sometimes jump in.

Next to the door to the privy was a metal spiral stair case which Zafe had painted red one day.

It lead up to my little loft. There was a door, but it wasn't needed and was usually left open. There had been a carefully put up wall, but now there was just a railing. There was no other choice to remove the wall after Type had burnt it through.

On the floor was my bed. It was just a mattress on the floor. I always felt comfortable sleeping close to the ground; it made me think back to when I had lived in Japan.

On the wall above my bed a kimono was hung up. It was child sized, and was black with red flower petals. Hanging next to it was yet another Katana; this one had a black blade and was forged from my own blood.

I own a lot of swords, don't I? The only one I fight with is either on my belt, or hanging off of my stair case. Its blade is red and forged with the blood of a demon.

Back in my room on the opposite wall from my bed sat my desk. On it sat my computer, and about 15 bottles of liquid ranging from coke, to root beer, to sake to beer to wine to grape juice.

Yep, that's my flat in a nut shell. As I rose to the couch it dawned on me that I probably bored you to death. I'm sorry for such a….tedious description.

I drudged over and set a kettle down on the stove to boil some water for tea.

I watched the flame flicker, and would have stayed that was fro a while it not for banging come from my door.

As I slowly walked over I herd a bang and the sound of four voices shouting.

"What do you want?" I asked as I opened the door.

Standing in front of me was a sight that made me rub my eyes. Emerald was strangling Deidara (from Naruto). Deidara's hand was licking (takes big breath in) HughesHanajimaHilariaHypocrite's cheek. HilariaHyp was grabbing onto Azulcat's tail for dear life.

"Hi guys." I sighed. I stared at the three MPS member. One seasoned one, and two rookies (affectionately called NOOBS by the other Mythical Psychopaths). Why Deidara was there, I have no clue.

"Want to come in?" I asked, stepping aside from the door. The four nodded, but Deidara stopped and put his head on my forehead. His hand then proceeded to lick my forehead.

"You have a fever Draye-Dana. Un."

Why Deidara calls me Dana is simple, I make things out of clay…and he saw me blow up one of them once. It was a very crappy attempt at making a tea platter for Marquis' birthday. In the end I got him a reading lamp.

"I'm fine Deidara, no worry. Now stop licking me please."

"Are you sure Draye-Dana? Un."

"Yes, I don't like being licked very much."

"No! I meant are you truly fine? Un!"

I sighed and closed the door. Deidara took off his cloak and hung it onto my coat rack.

"Emerald-Chan," Deidara whinnied "Draye-Dana has a tempiture. Un."

Emerald froze in horror and looked at me.

"Draye has don't know." I sighed as a slumped onto a bar stool.

"But you, sick? Oh my god it's a sign of the end of the world."

Hilaria started to run around the room screaming. Azulcat went and looked through my kitchen cupboards until she found it.

The author aliment assigner. It told who what an author could contract, one big symptom of all the diseases was not updating.

Azulcat stuck the thing into my mouth. Every one stared as the red liquid flowed past tomanystories and past terriblewriter. It zoomed by toobusy and waytoodistracted. It settled on the line of common cold with a hint of boredom.

"Le Gasp!" shouted Hilaria.

"The only cure for this is ramen!" Shouted Deidara. We all stared at him confused.

"What? It works for Naruto."

"No you retard." Azulcat sighed, for she truly knew what to do. For her haze we sent her to the author hospital. She had worked at in the author-who-beat-animal jigs section. She picked up more things then a couple of large and nasty bruises though.

"She needs to laugh and tomato soup!"

"Could you stop shedding?" I asked as I stared at the blue cat fur coming off of her tail and landing on my black rug.

"I can make the soup!" Hilaria shouted. For during her haze, in which we sent her to work at the soup kitchens for under watched television shows, she learned to make soup, and got a nasty bite from Pikachu.

"Emerald, can you watch her? The last time I left people in my kitchen unsupervised they left it in a green gummy worm mess."

Emerald nodded and walked away.

"What can I do Draye-Dana UN?"

I thought back to the things Deidara has done….he could usually be very funny.

"Make me laugh."

"UN, UN!" shouted Deidara, and with that he ran into the bathroom.

I sat there for ten minutes cleaning my finger nails. When Emerald and Hilaria came out of the kitchen holding a bowl and a funnel, and Azulcat had a rope. I screamed and tried to run, but I was caught and tied to a folding chair that they found in my bedroom. They poured the boiling hot soup down my throat and when it was done they screamed for Deidara.

What I saw makes me go into laughing spasms when ever I think of it.

Deidara came out of the bathroom dressed like a teenage girl. He adjusted a fake boob before he started jumping around singing the Your Ugly song. While he sang it he would point to a picture of Envy.

I laughed so hard streams of red tomato soup, or blood, came out of my nose. Emerald felt my forehead and screamed out a "she's cured!" The four grouped hugged me; I still don't think I can breathe very well.

CLICK!

"Thank you Deidara, now I have black mail." Tobi chuckled as he walked away.

The rest of us were still blinking from the flash. Deidara sighed and changed back into his normal cloths and pulled his cloak back on.

"See you later, UN." He said.

He got no reaction since us four females were shocked at the fact that he had just stripped in front to us.

"Did any of you think that Deidara had that kind of piecing?" Hilaria shuddered.

I slowly shock my head.

"Come on, we better go, bye Draye!" Shouted Azulcat as she lead Emerald and Hilaria out the door.

I sat in my chair happy that I was cured. I stood to go to bed, but….

"YOU BITCHES, COME BACK AND UNTIE ME!"


	17. Vail needs travel tissues

Oh doom is upon me, every where I turned were the creatures that wanted to eat me alive. Black and hideous they crawled towards me. The thought of how I didn't want to die flashed in my head.

I felt my skin crawl and looked down. One of them had made it to my foot!

"NOOOOOO!" I screamed!

Zafe looked at me and sighed.

"Dude, they're only ants, get over it."

"But…but…but!"

Zafe hit me up-side the head, I began to whimper.

"Can we just leave and go to the bar?" Zafe asked, standing up from the couch and swatting a few ants off him.

"Yah, I'm taking Type; while we're gone I'm setting up bug bombs."

Zafe nodded and went upstairs and grabbed my dragon. I set a few bombs off and the three of us headed towards the bar.

On our way there we ran into Night, Envy, and Bat. The five of us stopped off at a Vatican drug store and bought a bunch of useless things we would need at the bar.

Zafe picked up a few crosses, since they burnt my skin.

Envy looked for 20 minutes but eventually found some holy water.

Night grabbed a couple so called 'holy' candles while Bat went in search for 'holy' matches and candles sticks.

I on the other hand grabbed a couple blind folds, some duct tape, and gummy worms for Type.

Type grabbed a rosary bead chain.

When we left the stored we felt like we could start a futzing church, but the thing is that Zafe, Night, and I are Jewish, so that won't happen anytime soon.

Why take such precautions?

Tonight was back from the grave night. All the characters that had been killed off came to the bar and drank their heart out, trying to forget they were dead. We fleshies who just wanted to get drunk like normal had to make sure that the spirits didn't bother us, or we could be haunted for the rest of our long lives.

When we walked into the bar, Night immediately ran off to go talk with Maes Hughes, who had been killed by a very freaked out Envy.

"How is he here? He's dead, I know it!" Envy screamed.

"You forgot to tell him it was grave night, didn't you?" I asked Bat. She nodded; her cheeks red.

Since no one had bothered to explain to Envy, he decided the only sane thing to do was run out of the bar screaming like a little girl.

"Him being gender confused was bad enough, but now age confused?" Zafe shook his head.

I ignored my cousin and glanced around the room. There were a few people around. There was Kiba, Hige, Tsume, and Toboe from Wolf's Rain, Haku and Sasori from Naruto, Sirius from Harry Potter, and Kikyo from Inuyasha.

Zafe abandoned me to go hit on, I mean talk to Haku. Bat went to go talk to Kikyo so I decided to go talk to the wolf's Rain guys.

"Hey." I said with a smile as I sat down next to Hige. Every one ignored me, all they could do was stare at Toboe.

"What's he up to?" I asked, all Toboe was doing was staring into a beer mug.

"He just finished his 19th." Tsume said.

"His what?"

"19th."

"Dude, not even I can hold that many, how can he not be drunk."

"He is." Kiba sighed.

"How can he be, he doesn't seem it!" I yelled. I swear I was about to go and bother Hughes and let him shower me to death in baby pictures.

"Just wait and the fun will begin!' Hige smiled and I sighed and got comfortable.

After about five minutes Toboe muttered "I was the first one."

"Excuse me?" I asked, confused once more.

"All four of us, I died first! Why me? I mean, people like me more than Tsume, the jerk!"

"Hey." Tsume grumbled.

"And I got shot too! What a stupid way to go! The rest of you died fighting!"

"We know." Hige sighed, scratching his nose.

"Well you know what!" Toboe shouted getting up from his chair, knocking it to the ground.

"No clue." Kiba stated.

"I'm here so I can do what ever I can!"

I leaned over to Hige and whispered in his ear "how did Toboe go from talking about death to how he's now king of the bar?"

"He's drunk; he just does whatever brain tells him not to."

I shrugged and watched and Toboe sluggishly walked over to Kikyo, spun her around, and stared to make out with her. Every one in the bar stopped what they had been doing and stared wide eyed at them.

"That's new; he's never done that before!" Tsume smiled.

"How come he's not back in his wolf form, don't you guys revert back when you touch people?"

"Don't ask me."

"Though it's weird, you'd think that he'd go to Sirius instead."

"I herd that!" Sirius growled.

"So what flea breath?"

I walked up to him, and he took out his wand.

"Sit boy!" Zafe yelled. All five dogs (Toboe had released Kikyo) sat on the ground.

"How'd you do that?" I asked. Zafe threw me a book. I read the cover and then threw it at Zafe's head. The book was dog training for dummies.

"I should have expected nothing less from you." I sighed.

"Draye, don't say that."

I turned around to see who had spoken to me. It was Marquis De Laviolette, Bat's papa-Chan and my mother's….. Close friend.

"What do you want?"

"A drink."

"No duh."

Marquis sighed and went to go sit next to Sasori and Sirius, hoping to have a pleasant conversation with Sirius, but he ended up getting something else.

"Hey there." Sasori purred.

"Excuse me?"

"How'd you like to come home with me?" Sasori's cheeks were a deep red, indicating that he was indeed not sober.

"I wouldn't. You're the same gender as me for god's sake."

"So? Don't tell me I'm your first."

"I will not have sex with you!"

"Please?" Sasori threw his arms around Marquis's waist. The whole bar was full of laughter. But soon grew quiet as Demy walked in.

"What are you doing Marquise?" Demy growled, a vein throbbed in her temple. Marquis pealed Sasori off of him.

"Nothing, it was this cretin's fault!"

"Out side, now!"

Marquis sighed and followed Demy out of the door.

"Family is scary." Zafe shuddered. Bat and I nodded. Night looked confused.

"Who were they?" She asked, biting her lip and staring at the door.

"My Aunt Demy and her lover." said Zafe.

"My Mother and her lover." I said.

"My Mother and my Father." Bat sighed.

"That's messed up!" Night gasped.

"Not as messed up as our brother." Bat and I sighed at the same time.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Achoooo!" Vail sneezed. He looked for something to blow his nose on.

"Here you go." Said a woman in only her thong, as she handed him a tissue.

"Thanks."

"That'll cost you extra."

"I hate strip clubs."


	18. Mythical Psycopath's Academy

There was this annoying beeping noise ringing in my ears.

"Draye, wake up!"

'But why?" I groaned into my pillow.

"School today, it is Monday."

I tumbled out of bed and hit the floor with a thump. I dragged my self into the sitting position and grabbed the side on my sister's way-to-far-off-the-ground bed, which I had slept in. my bed was just a mattress on the floor, which I liked by the way.

Lazily I kicked off my PJs and pulled on a pair of jeans held together with safety pins, a black t-shirt with M.P.A written in white, a silver necklace, and old black converse.

I walked into the kitchen where my older brother and sister were sitting at the table.

Vail, my brother who is a sophomore was trying to spread jelly onto his bagel.

My sister Bat was trying to finish up some extra summer school home work that had to be handed in today, the first day of the school year.

Vail's twin, Yos, was no where to be seen. Yos and I were the only non-morning people in the house.

I looked at the sheet Bat was working on

"The answer is x-8." I said.

"I know damn it!"

"Ooo, testy." I smirked.

"Shut up."

Bat should be a junior, but missed a couple of years because of a head injury and the amnesia that came with it. That was also why she was in summer school, to catch up.

I my self, am just entering high school this year, I am a fresh-meat.

Hige, our cook/baby sitter/family pet handed me a bowl of fruit.

As I sat down at the table Yos finally emerged from his room. He was still in PJs and his red-violet hair was suffering from extreme bed-head. Yos blinked a couple of times.

"Hige, where are mom and Marquis?"

"Yeah, where are Demy and dad?" Bat asked.

Maybe the memory problem was just inherited, I sighed.

"They are teachers morons, they never here in the mornings."

"But it's Sunday!" Yos whined.

"No, it's Monday." I stated, and I finally started to eat my fruit.

"Today is the first day of school." Vail said while he tried to lick jelly off of his cheek. Yos' eyes grew wide and he ran back into his room.  
After ten minutes we were all sitting in the bus. We were also scared to death since our driver was Koga, who loved to speed.

I took out my schedule and looker over it.

"Hey Vail?"

"What?" He asked, poking his head above the seat.

"How come I have all sophomore classes?"

"You skipped a year last year, remember?"

My body froze; I had succumbed to the curse of memory that plagued this family.

"You know what this means, right? Bat yelled; a huge frown on her face.

We all shook our heads.

"We are all in the same grade!"

We all gasped in horror and pulled out our schedules.

OH NOES!

We had period one all together. Bat and I had period two, while Yos and Vail had period two together in a different class. Period three we were alone, and bat and I had period four together. Period five we were alone again, and we were all in period six, and period 7. Yos and I were together for period eight.

"I blame mom and Marky." I growled.

"He just loves to make our lives a living hell, doesn't he?" Vail sighed.

"Hey, leave my dad alone!" Bat screamed.

As you all might be confused by now, I will explain. Demy is the biological mother of all four of us, but Marquis is Bat's biological father and Yos, Vail, and mine died when I was four. Marquis and Demy had gotten a divorce right after Bat was born, then Demy met my father. After my father died, through a multitude of confusing events, Marquis (who was raising Bat as a single father) and Demy got remarried.

The bus stopped and we all ran out and headed for period one.

-----------------------------

PERIOD ONE MATH

Nora Thunder called out the names of people supposed to be in the class.

"Night Alchemist"-Here (I think)

"Zafe God"-Here (But why)

"Bat Laviolette"-here (no duh)

"Draye Letum"-here (Really)

"Vail Letum"-here (oh come on)

"Yos Letum" – Present (where)

"Ouka Soler" –here (no comment)

"Emerald Tiara" –here (Do you have to ask)

plus many others.

"Okay class, today we have review from last year.

Nora took out a blue piece of chalk and wrote on the board as she talked.

"1 pound of sulfur, plus 1 live human equals?"

Yos raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"2"

"WRONG! It equals one dead human. How about 5 ounces of mercury plus 1 live human?"

Vail raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"One dead human?"

"CORRECT!"

All of the students in the class sweat dropped, knowing that no way in hell that this was math.

------------------------------------

PERIOD TWO BAND (Draye/Bat)

I glared at my piece of sheet music, it was MOZART.

"Does Marky want us to die from boredom?" I asked Bat as we set up our clarinets.

"Who knows, but Mozart has some kick."

"Yeah, kick start me out of here." I groaned.

Around the room people were setting up their own instruments. Ouka her viola, Night her violin. Emerald and Zafe were both glaring at their instruments. Emerald had a French horn and Zafe had a flute. He kept yelling 'MY MOM MADE MY TAKE IT OKAY?' at any one who looked at him.

Marquis raised his baton and everyone but Bat started talking. Marquis walked over and whapped me on the head with the baton.

"Why me?"

"You talked first."

"No I didn't!"

WHACK

"What was that for!" I yelled as Bat put a band aid on my now bleeding forehead. Those things must have a sharp edge some where.

"You talked back to me."

I hissed as Marquis went back to the conductor's stand.

"Marquis?"

It was another teacher. Marquis went to speak with her, and closed the door to the band room behind him. I smirked; living with a band teacher had its good points. I pulled out sheet music and handed it out to every one on the room. Then I put a photo coped version on the score on the conductors stand.

As soon as I sat back down Marquis walked back in. he walked over to his stand and raised his baton.

Everyone started to play 'Kyle's mom is a bitch- in D-minor'.

Marquis started to freak out while Kira, a violin started to sing.

"Well our band teacher is a bitch, he's a big fat bitch, he's the biggest bitch in the whole hide world!"

She would have continued, but she was dieing from laughter. We then all stopped playing and started laughing, even Bat who when I told her about the plan said it was mean. I hadn't planed on the singing though.

"STOP THIS INSTANT!" Marquis yelled.

Emerald stood up and threw her horn out a near by window, yelling that she quit. Zafe smiled and followed suit, soon every one had thrown their instruments out the window, minus Bat and my self, since Marquis would kill us if you did harm to our instruments.

PERIOD TWO GYM (Vail/Yos)

Dante, the gym teacher was throwing a ball up and down with one hand.

"Today we play dodge ball"

Yos and Vail looked at each other, and gulped.

--------------------------------------

PERIOD THREE ART

"Today we are making bisque dolls."

I stared at the naked porcelain doll for that was sitting in front of me.

"This is stupid." I said and I picked the doll up by its foot.

"Yeah, un." Said Deidara, my table partner.

"So…what do we do?"

"This, un."

Deidara reached into his back pack and pulled out a fire cracker and matches. He pulled off the head, stuck the fire cracker into the body and lit it. He quickly duck taped the head back on and pulled me under the desk with him.

There was a hissing noise then the room filled with smoke.

Then all Limbo broke loose.

The doll exploded and from where I sat I could see flashing lights and shrapnel hit the ground.

"I've been hit!" Yelled Azulcat as she nursed her tail.

"I thing I love this class'" I said as I turned at smiled at Deidara. He smiled back, and Sasori, the teacher growled at us from where he sat.

-------------------------------------

PERIOD FOUR GLOBAL HISTORY

"And this," said Kiba as he pointed to a map "is paradise."

"That's Hawaii." Bat said.

"Well this is paradise!" Kiba pointed to the map again.

"That's Ice land." Hilaria said.

Kiba pulled at his hair.

"Damn, why can't I find it?"

---------------------------------------

PERIOD FIVE FRENCH

"Oh god, not you." Flin's (who is bat's boy friend) brother Sammy was teaching the class.

"Bonjour!" Sammy said as he waved to Flin and I, I waved back.

"Quel est votre nom?" Sammy asked me (what is your name?)

"Draye."

"Flesh?"

"Yes." (It's true, look it up!)

We all sat down and Sammy started to go over every dat phrases. Flin looked bored out of his mind, since he could already speak the language perfectly.

Inuyasha raise his hand.

"Can I go to the bath room?"

"En français?"

"I don't know how to say it."

"If you can't say peux j'aller à la toilette you might as well piss your pants."

Yep, French class kicks ass.

-------------------------------------

PERIOD SIX ENGLISH

Sparda opened his copy of 'Romeo and Juliet' the most boring book in the world.

"Edward Elric, please read from page 2."

Ed looked up from his book.

"Me?"

"Yes, page 2."

Ed stood up and coughed.

"Umm"

Ed looked over to the left as he tried to look at Vail's book, but he closed it, same with Yos who sat in front of Ed and my self who sat to his right. Ed glared at us and just stared at the book.

"Are you illiterate Mr. Elric?" Sparda asked.

"No."

"Then read."

Ed coughed and his face turned read as he stared to read.

"He pushed her onto the bed and began to caress her body. Slowly he started to peel away his shirt, while she stripped off her own. The air grew hot as he started to lick her"

"That's enough Mr. Elric."

I growled, since Vail had covered my ears, and Yos ad covered Bat's. Our mom reads worse.

--------------------------------------------------

PERIOD SEVEN HEALTH

Demy smiled as we all filed in. as we looked around the room we saw our boy friends or girl friends and so we sat near them.

Me and Trey

Bat and Flin

Vail and Emerald

Yos….and no one.

Once we had all sat down Demy turned off the lights and turned on the slide machine. The our of us instantly cringed, we knew what was going to happen.

We all raised our hands.

"what is it? Demy asked as she looked at us.

"I left my books in my locker"-Draye

"I have to go to the bathroom"-Vail

"I need to go to the nurse"-Yos

"I hear my father calling"-Bat.

"Well too bad." Demy said as she started up the slides.

"This, my dear children is where babies come from."

The room erupted with screams and people clawed and shoved to get out of the room, but Demy had locked the door.

Us four sat there with our heads in our arms. Our mom was the worst health teacher in that she is an alcoholic sex maniac…oh joy.

--------------------------------------------

PERIOD EIGHT BIOLOGY

Vergil swung his Katana back and forth.

"Today we dissect frogs."

I smiled, awesome.

"Frogs are hermaphrodites. Envy come here."

The palm tree head stood and walked over to Vergil.

"This class is also a Hermaphrodite. They have no gender, but are both make and female."

Envy stomped on Vergil's foot and then stomped back to his/her seat. Vergil rubbed his foot, and then took out the frog.

"To dissect properly you must first throw the frog into the air…"

He threw the frog, then swung down his katana and stuck out a tray, which the frog landed on. The frog was cleanly cut in two. but then, the frog stood up. It put on a little top hat and grabbed a cane.

Them it started tap dancing.

"What is this, loony toons?" I screamed. It was now just me and the frog in a black plain.  
The frog started to grow bigger, until it was human size. It smiled at me, then hit me on the head with its cane, hard.

----------------------------------------------------

"Some one, get some sake, she's coming around!" I heard Darm yell.

"What happened?" I asked him as I rubbed my head.

"You fell off your bar stool, well more like pushed." He said, glaring at Naruto.

"So it was all just a dream?" I asked, as I stood up.

"What was?"

"Forget it; it was more like a night mare. I hate high school."

Darm smiled and patted me on the head.

"Though, I wonder why there was that tap dancing frog at the end."

Darm smiled sheepishly, the night mare maker then started to run as fast as he could away from me.

"Damn it Darm! How many times have I told you not to mess with my dreams!"


	19. the funeral corrupting Kasai

"So Zafe, you happy?" I asked him as him, Emerald, Bat, and I sat inside the old bar drinking some beer (though Bat was drinking coke).

"Yeah, why?" He asked, taking a small sip.

"So if you died right now you would have no regrets?"

"I would, I mean what about Kasai?"

"I'd take care of him." Emerald said a smile on her face. Zafe looked horrified.

"Are you kidding me? I'd rather leave Kasai with a pack of wild dogs than with you!"

"What does that mean? Are you saying I'm a bad parent?" Emerald asked, reaching over the table to grab Zafe's shirt.

"You kids are EMO! And you don't care!" Zafe yelled, his arm flailing around. While they were arguing Bat grabbed his glass and I put some green dust into it. I stirring it with my finger and quickly put it back where it had been. Whipping my finger dry on my pants I tried to break Zafe and Emerald up. Them getting into a bar fight was NOT part of 'Le Plan'.

"Stop it, you two are both great parents." I said, trying to pry them apart. Zafe took a swing and Emerald's face, and hit mine instead. Zafe froze and slowly took his fist away from my face.

I turned my head to look at him. He shivered as my death glare fell on him. Zafe laughed nervously and sat down in his seat.

"So you want to fight me now, huh?" I asked. Zafe grabbed his glass and drunk it in one go.

Well, well, 'Le Plan' was working well, though his drinking the whole thing was not part of 'Le Plan'.

Zafe whipped his mouth off on his sleeve and smiled at me. Then his eyes rolled up to the back of his head and he fell to the table.

We all froze and Bat nervously poked him.

"oopsies." Was all Emerald could say.

------------------------------------------

We all stared at the coffin in the middle of the room. Every one was wearing black and had either fake or real tears in their eyes. Bat, Emerald and I hid in the back in a dark corner, not wanting people to look at us. Kasai was being held by his grandmother, Sens.

"So, we kind of fucked up, didn't we?" I asked. My Sister and cousin nodded slowly.

"No one was supposed to find out."

"Though, were could we have hidden the body in your micro apartment." Emerald sighed.

"Umm, give the kids Zafe meat sandwiches for lunch?" I laughed. They just glared at me.

"What do you mean you fucked up?"

The three of us looked up to see our husbands staring at us. We looked at each other and tried for the love of god to come up with "Le Plan Du Dos'.

"Hey, do you remember Zafe's hazing?" I asked, every one smiled at that moment.

"This calls for a flash back!" Emerald said, pulling out the dreaded flash-back-o-maker (see chapter 7).

"Didn't I throw that thing out?" I asked as Emerald pushed the button.

Zafe's Haze:

"_Is that permanent?" Zafe asked as I squirted more hot pink liquid into his hair. I looked at the bottle. _

"_Hmm, it doesn't say." I said as I covered up the permanent label with my finger. _

"_I still don't know why, out of all the female characters I could have cos-played, you had to choose Sakura."_

"_Because you hate her, and part of hazing is for you to do something you aren't comfortable doing."_

"_I know, but what is my son sees?"_

"_He's your son, which means he's already as messed up as he can get."_

_Zafe elbowed me in the stomach and I squirted some of the dye on the back of his neck. Kira walked in with the costume and couldn't help but laugh at the scene in my bathroom. Silver was carefully dying Zafe's eyebrows while I worked on his head._

"_How much longer until it's done" Zafe whined. _

"_Soon." I reached behind me and grabbed the hair drier and turned it on. It caused Zafe to start sweating, and Silver ran away from the heat and went to get a glass of water. Industrial strength was cool. I had to borrow it from Opal. _

_After the drying phase was done I grabbed the Sakura dress and helped Zafe into it. When that was done he looked at the water balloons on the sink._

"_What are these for?" he asked as he poked them "they jiggle."_

"_They are filled with pudding. Now, you did put on that bra, right."_

"_Wait, you mean you're going to put those in my shirt?"_

"_Well, yeah, we want to costume to look realistic."_

"_No way in hell. I put up with the hair dye and the dress, but not those!"_

"_This is a haze; you don't get a choice, now come here!"_

_I grabbed a balloon and tried to stuff it down his shirt, but he moved around too much._

"_Daddy?" _

_We froze and looked at Kasai, who was supposed to be asleep. I swished the balloon onto Zafe and it burst, covering him with vanilla pudding. He glared at me with pink haired hate._

I sighed at the memory. Taking out my wallet I found the picture of him covered in pudding in the Sakura costume, Kasai was smiling from where he sat on his dad's lap.

I was in the picture too, covered in chocolate pudding.

"Wow, that's some bad haze." Trey said, taking the picture.

Our husbands walked away, and we all visibly relaxed.

"So," I asked, turning to Emerald "how much longer?"

-------------------------------------------------------

Zafe opened his eyes, yet he didn't see any thing except black. He blinked, yet nothing changed. He felt around him self. He was in a box that was lined with fabric. He could smell dirt and grass. He tried to lift the lid, yet nothing happened, it wouldn't budge.

"Draye, this isn't funny!"

There was no answer.

"Draye! Come on!"

I kicked the box and I heard the thud of his head hitting the top.

At the moment, Bat, Emerald, Kasai and I were sitting on the coffin eating sandwiches, and drinking root beers. Hey, we don't drink around kids.

"Should we let him out?" Bat asked.

"Give him five more minutes." Kasai said. We turned to the kid and gave him high fives. The kid was turning out great!


	20. ICDEDPPL YAY!

**Hello out there!**

**This chapter of Bar Stories is written for Mayeko's contest, so I'm including this little explain it all thingy below. (If you are familiar with the whole MPS Family, then I suggest you read it any way, since you probably don't know as much as you think)**

**If you want to read Mayeko's web comic you can find it at : http// www. smackjeeves. com/ comicprofile. php?id 7009 (just delete the spaces) **

**-------------------------------------------------------------------**

**THE EXPLINATION!!!!!**

**Okay so the story started out as just me, Draye bored after the fan fiction author bar closes down. So my only option left is to go to the character bar known as The Twisted Tales. Soon other authors started to come to the character bar. And those authors my friends formed the Mythical Psychopath Society (The MPS). Members who will be in this chapter include:**

**Draye (me)-Founder, Vampire/Demon, is one of the more 'heavy drinkers' of the mps. Also the one most likely to start a bar fight and flash backs.**

**Emerald- Demon (shape-shifter) Emerald is very sarcastic. And still hates me for her haze (making her shape shift into ed from Full Metal alchemist and kiss envy, on the lips) she has her own bar stories, and is most likely to beat emos (not counting her own children)**

**Other non members you should know are these guys:**

**Darm-Tainted, makes nightmares….is an ass, a nice ass, but an ass.**

**M'rain: Tainted, makes precipitation, has mood swings like a pregnant lady **

**So there you have it, on with the story!**

**------------------------------------------------------**

At the moment the bar was really, really loud. Mainly because October nights were always crowded, since no one could remember just when Oktoberfest was. I was just here because I had a tough work day, and needed a drink. I found Darm and M'rain here already, and we were soon joined by Emerald. They were all having a lovely conversation while I was just sitting there drinking and making sure Darm didn't tick M'rain off enough to cause them to start bar fighting. Last thing I needed was to have to pay for repairs….again.

I heard the door open, but didn't bother to look at who came in. That was until Emerald poked me and motioned for me to look at who had came in.

"Who is that weird guy with the umbrella?"

I looked at the person, and then looked at Emerald with a bemused look on my face.

"That's a girl."

Emerald gave the person the once over again before banging her head on the table.

I looked at her too. She had yellow/green hair, was wearing a long orange tunic shirt with sleeves to the elbow and red, knee length pants. She did have a strange red/orange umbrella too. You could tell she was an author just by the confused look on her face as her eyes found Naruto and Tsunade drinking together in the corner. And a similar look when she found Allen and Lavi from D-Gray-man.

"Hey you with the umbrella!" I shouted, not really caring that I now had the entire bar staring at me. "Do you know where you are?"

"Well, this is the Twisted Tales, right?" She asked, tilting her green hat back slightly.

"Yep."

"Well, I am supposed to be here, I'm looking for some one."

"Come here, I might be able to help you."

The person nodded and walked over before she pulled out a chair and sat between me and M'rain.

"My name's Draye, and the blue haired girl's Emerald, the blue haired guy is Darm, and the person you're sitting next to is M'rain."

"I'm Mayeko, and Hi. I'm waiting for some characters of mine to get here so we can plan fun October-esk stuff."

I stared at her and blinked in confusion.

"October stuff? What else is there besides Hollow's Eve (Halloween ok) and Oktoberfest?"

Mayeko sighed and hooked her umbrella onto her arm before she started to count on her fingers.

"Well National Day was the first, so we can't do that. Celebrating Non-violence day with them is laughable at best. Children's book week might be fun, I don't think Donnie would mind too much, but I think Cammie would. Cammie would kill me if I even tried to get him to do Health and sports day. We always do Thanksgiving, since we are Canadian. Apple day is great, especially for Mr. Piggles, that pig loves apples. United nations day sounds boring, Oktoberfest kicks ass, but I don't think it is even in October. And I don't think Cammie would like to trick or treat this year."

When Mayeko looked up she saw that we were all staring at her with wide eyes.

"What?"

"You really thought about it, didn't you?" Emerald asked, being the first of us to find their voice. Mayeko just shrugged.

"I really just wikied October and it came up with a huge list of holidays. I've just been thinking a lot about which ones to do."

Darm and M'rain both blinked a few times more before getting back to their conversation. I glared at them for being rude before turning back to Mayeko, who was staring nervously at the door. Either we were freaking her out and she wanted to leave, or her character were late….wait, characters?  
"You are an author, right Mayeko?"

Mayeko nodded.

"So, what are your fan fictions?"

Mayeko stared at me blankly for a second before putting her head down on the table, and punching it as she laughed like a mad woman. Once again my whole table was staring at her confused. Mayeko looked up and whipped a tear from her eye as she tried to catch her breath.

"I…I write….well… make web-comics. That's where Donnie and Cammie came from."

"A web-comic?" Emerald asked

"Yeah, I guess it's like a manga."

"A manga! How stupid is that!" Darm laughed.

Mayeko glared at Darm, and then the bar's door opened. One person was a sickly looking guy with white hair and was wearing a red sweatshirt and jeans. The other guy had a lime green Mohawk and was wearing a long black jacket with silver buttons. The jacket was buttoned up and he was also wearing 'skinny' black pants.

"Cammie! Touch him!" Mayeko screamed as she shot up from her seat and pointed at Darm. The guy with white hair looked at Darm.

"Why?"

"He made fun of the fact I make comics!"

Cammie sighed and walked up to Darm. Darm stopped laughing and glared at Cammie who just looked bored. Emerald started to whistle the 'cowboy showdown' music.

"Any last requests?" Cammie asked as he held up his hand in Darm's face.

"Yeah, but why should you care."

"Because." Cammie pressed his hand against Darm's face. Darm's eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed to the floor. "You're dead."

Emerald stared at Darm on the floor, then at Cammie, before pointing at him and shouting her favorite altered TV quote ever.

"Oh my god killed Darm! YOU BASTARD!"

Cammie just shrugged and pulled out a seat. Donnie (you know who he is since he is the only other guy who walked in) followed suit and sat next to him, in-between him and Mayeko.

"Cammie, you really need to show more emotions dude." Donnie sighed, lighting a cigarette.

"No, I really don't"

"Fine be that way."

While Cammie and Donnie were having a 'lover's tiff' I walked over to the still steaming Mayeko.

"Did you really have to kill Darm?"

Mayeko thrust her umbrella into the air as she shouted, "Yes, he insulted my art and my babies!" at that moment Cammie and Donnie both turned red and banged their heads onto the table.

"Actually you didn't kill me." Darm groaned as he rubbed his head "But boy am I sore."

"Holy shit he's alive!" Donnie shouted, hiding behind Cammie. M'rain frowned.

"And here I thought I was rid of you." Darm punched M'rain's leg for his coment and then used it to stand up.

"How are you alive?" Mayeko shouted, and Cammie too (wow).

"Well, look at me, and you see….?"

"An idiot?" M'rain, Emerald, Cammie, Mayeko and I answered. Darm frowned and looked at Donnie. "What do you see Mohawk person?"

"Well, you have black horns, small ones at that, coming out of the top of your head. Blue/grey hair, and hands that look a black and pointy black claw fingers."

"Yep, and I look like this because?" Darm asked, rotating his hands for effect.

"……..you work for my dad?"

"No, I don't."

"Who's your dad?" I asked, Donnie smiled.

"He's Lucifer."

Darm and M'rain looked at me and Emerald, we all shared horrified looks on our faces. You see, Emerald and I have an evil 'Uncle' named, yeah you guessed it, Lucifer.

"Umm, so what does you dad look like? Any wings? You know, black and feathery?"

"Nope, not my dad….I don't know if he even has wings." While Donnie started thinking we all breathed a sigh of relief, which of coarse Mayeko caught.

"You know a Lucifer?"

"Yep, he made idiot and emo over there." I said, pointing at M'rain and Darm. "They can't die since they are Tainteds."

Mayeko looked at me with a 'what the fudge' look on her face. Darm decided to explain, while I tried to go find Emerald who had run off since she wasn't getting much attention.

"Well Tainteds are made from souls of the dead which are pure-ish. The pureness is used up in the process and in the end you get an almost completely, or a completely un-pure soul. The opposite is also true, though rarely. Different tainted have different powers, or none at all. I can give people night mares, and M'rain can make things wet."

M'rain slapped Darm on the back of the head before he corrected Darm "I can make it rain, and turn things to water."

Mayeko's eyes widened in excitement and she started to jump up and down.

"Really? Show me!"

M'rain sighed and took his hand and touched Mayeko's hat, which quickly became translucent, then transparent before in collapsed on Mayeko, turning her into a wet Mayeko.

A now angry and wet Mayeko clenched her fists and started to tremble. At that moment I came over and sat down by Donnie and Cammie.

"You bastard!" Mayeko shouted while she started to chase M'rain around, threatening him with her umbrella. "That was my favorite hat!"

I sighed, this is one reason I didn't like M'rain very much some times. I looked at Cammie and Donnie, who were following their maker chase M'rain around.

"So, do you like being part of a web comic?"

Cammie shrugged "It's okay."

"Yeah, unless Mayeko gets into the mood for drawing fan service. I'm always the one that ends up half naked." Donnie sighed.

"You know, you actually like women drooling over you."

"Oh yeah, good point." Donnie patted Cammie on the shoulder while he had a huge smile on his face.

"She is good at drawing you though, right?"

"Yeah, if she couldn't draw then we would probably be a in a stupid fan fiction." Cammie shrugged his shoulders before he cracked up, Donnie soon following suit.

"Yeah, every one knows fan fiction authors can't draw for shit, yet they try any way!"

The two kept laughing at their funny little jokes, but they didn't notice my eyes glint evilly as I reached at my belt and slipped my katana out of its holder.

"So boys, you thing fan fictions are poor quality work, huh?"

Both boys swallowed as they looked at my blade poised to cut off their heads.

"We never said that, did we Donnie?"

"Oh no, never."

I shook my head and brought my sword closer.

"RUN!!!" they both shouted. They got up and ran, slightly chasing after Mayeko and M'rain. I jumped over the table to follow them, yelling curses at them.

After 10 minutes of Mayeko and I chasing our prey we all slumped back into our chairs and Darm handed each of us a bottle of beer or water.

"Truce?" Mayeko, Donnie and Cammie panted. M'rain and I nodded.

"Truce."

But I smiled evilly, and Mayeko caught it and followed suit as we whisper together to our prey,

"For now."


	21. Poor Poe

"Why do I have to do this?"

"Because you started this whole hazing thing."

"But really, three noobs!"

"Not my fault dear."

If I had something other than the Hanukah presents I was busy wrapping to throw at Emerald, I swear to the lite-brite gods I would.

Also, if you have failed to guess I am in charge of hazing three new MPS members. I blame myself for one of them, and Emerald for one, and Bat for the last. I love all of them to death, true, but that doesn't mean I like to haze them. I would much rather watch my cute little nieces getting into a wrapping paper fight…with a lighter…oh shit.

"You know, I'm going, have fun gleaning up the burnt carpet."

"What? Oh shit! Rayna give that lighter to mommy NOW!"

I slowly closed the door and walked down Emerald's steps with the snow crunching under my feet. I decided to go and get the noob I had caused first.

The best thing about this noob? HE'S A HE! Counting him, but not Envy, the MPS now had the grand total of three male members (Him, Zafe, Inu-baka). His name?  
Kontraband, well okay I'm lazy and I just call him Kontra, but what ever. Even more amazing is that he is completely different from any other member, being that he's a dragon in his human form. Dragon…I could feel the evil smile trying to break free as I rang his door bell.

Nothing.

I tired once more.

Nadda.

So, growing tired off seeing my breath go white I hammered on the door screaming "Kontra get your scaly ass down here before I freeze off mine!"

The door opened to a very tired, very half naked Kontra rubbing his eyes.

"It's too early Draye, what could you want?" He murmured as he rubbed his slitted red eyes. I just smiled and ruffled his almost metallic silver hair.

"Silly kid, it's only 9 PM, the night is still young for a hazing."

"Draye, do I need to remind you how much older I am than you once more, and what do you mean by hazing?"

I cleared my throat before starting to dig around my pocket. Kontra just sighed and pulled on a blue turtle neck.

"Viola! The terms of agreement!"

"We have one of those?"

"Yep, any way it says that if you want to have the copy and paste thing saying that you are a MPS member, than you have to be hazed by one Draye Luna, AKA me."

"So what do I have to do so I can get back to sleep?"

"Well I need you to set fire to a care bear."

"A care bear?"

"It's cute and fuzzy night at the bar today. All we, you need to do is wait out side for one, them jump 'em. Got it?"

"Neat!"

I stared at the smiling Kontra, and blinked a few times.

"How sadistic are you?"

"I'm joining this club, right?"

I just shrugged and pulled off my ear muffs before putting them back on.

"Come on Kontra, we have to go get Liah."

Liah, my dear readers is the noob that Emerald caused. She looks like the average human, brown hair, green blue eyes.

But she's a were-wolf daemon hybrid.

She's pretty old too, I think only a few years past 12,500.And I thought Sammy (1122) was old.

Kontra sighed and grabbed his black coat, mumbling about the evil cold I was casting him into.

_**Dragons**_

Any way the walk to Liah's wasn't too long, she lived almost across the street from Kontra….well in the forest across the street, but who cares about technicalities?

As we walked through I began to suspect that the trees didn't like me. Every branch seemed determined to try and smash my nose into a million itty-bitty pieces. Kontra of course was using his 'dragon nature powers' to avoid such problems, and was slightly snickering at my problem.

"You'd think you were short enough to just walk right under all the branches Draye."

Let us just say that my glare was enough to make him flinch, but enough to cause one or the trees to protect him. So the next thing I know I was flung to the ground because of a wayward tree branch flinging itself at my skull.

In truth it wasn't the tree's spirit who had swung at me, but Liah herself. She and a laughing Kontra high-fived while I tried to drag myself up by holding onto the spinning brown and green thing growing out of the spinning white ground like thing.

Liah and Kontra looked down at me, still slightly snickering.

"You are so dead." I grumbled. Ok more like slurred, but you get the picture.

"I think not. See who is on the ground with a concussion?"

I was ready to punch that damn girl. She had seemed so sweet when Emerald introduced us.

"Just for that I'm so going to haze the living shit out of you!"

At the moment I was off the ground and stomping in the direction of the bar, where I knew Faith was waiting for us.

"Do you even know how to haze me?"

"Yes."

Okay. So I didn't, but that didn't matter since I knew that inspiration lay ahead at the bar!

Okay maybe not.

We had arrived, and if more pink and fur could be crowded into one place I did not know.

"Well," Kontra cracked him knuckles "I better go find that care-bear." And so after taking one deep breath Kontra was lost in the crowd of fury creature fluff-ness. Liah and I looked at each other and with a sigh dove in to find Faith.

We found the blonde haired girl sitting at a table sipping a bottle of something that smelled and looked like Irish whiskey. She smiled at us while we sat down.

Faith in truth is not 'Faith'. You see the Faith who smiled at us died over 700 years ago and is now 'borrowing' the body of the 23 year old Sister Margaret from a church in Manchester. Of course the sister never gave dear Faith the permission to do so, but yeah.

As we sat down I pulled out a small vial of clear liquid out of my coat.

"So Faith ready to stare death in the face."

Faith looked at me like I had just popped out of the loo while I waved the little vial back and forth in front of her eyes.

"What is that?"

"This my dear is your haze. All you have to do is drink this."

Faith rolled her eyes at me as she snatched the vial out of my hands and opened to top with a flick of her fingernail.

Liah of course was grumbling about her getting such an easy task

If only she knew.

Faith downed the liquid in one gulp. I could tell she was about to say something along the lines of: "that was fucking too easy" but she had started to tear at her throat and head at the same time.

"What did you give her?"

"Holy water, a ghost's worst nightmare."

Liah shivered as we watched Faith convulse a little more. The amount I gave her wasn't enough to release Margaret from Faiths clutches, but just enough so we would get to see a few strange dance moves.

After that was all done a groaning Faith grabbed the bottle of liquor and downed about half of what was left (it was nearly full by the way).

"You are an evil girl."

I shrugged and looked around, until I spotted some one off in the distance.

"Hey Liah."

"What?"

"You see that guy over there?"

"Yeah?"

"I want you to stick you hand in his pants."

"What?"

"Stick your hand in his pants."

"Draye!"

"You don't have choice."

"But I don't have any idea where the insides of his pants have been!"

"Just do it."

Liah growled and walked over to the guy. He was sitting at the bar, with his back turned to us. Liah paused behind him before jamming her hand into his

Back pocket?

Well, there was a loop hole I hadn't thought of, but oh well, it would have to do.

The guy turned around as soon as Liah's hand had removed it's self. He smiled at Liah, but then of course noticed me sitting there waving at him.

The guy, who I shall reveal as my friend Sin walked over and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me out of the bar chair.

"Were you behind that Draye?"

"Yeep! So, if you want to count that as a haze you can be an MPS member."

"I don't want to join Draye."

"Why not?"

"Because the idea of you trying to boss me around is too disturbing for thoughts."

I just laughed and tried to get out of Sin's grip. For those who are wondering Sin is my friend, and only my friend (I am kind of married to that Trey guy is you remember). Though he will often joke (in front of Trey) about wanting to take a shower with me. But yeah, guy friends are like that around their hot women friends. (yeah, yeah, laugh it up Emerald)

I tried to wriggle so I could ruffle his dirty blonde hair, but the man has an iron grip.  
"So what are you doing here?"

"Looking for a Dorumon, have you seen one?"

"Digimon freak."

"Zelda Geek. And yet I keep killing you with my Phantoms." Little red dots glowed in his blue eyes as he smiled.

"Shove it up your 5'6" ass"

The two noobs I was now ignoring were laughing at the fact that I was treating Sin as if he was a tall person, even though he is average height. I guess my 5'1" Napoleonic complex makes my hate all people over 5'5" (trey being that exact height )

Sin sighed and put me down, and left for a second to get his glass of Jack Daniel's

"So why are you in the bar Draye-chan?"

I stopped myself from growling and sighed "Well I have to haze in three noobs."

Sin pointed at Liah and Faith, who were passing the bottle of whiskey back and forth between them.

"Those two of them?"

"Yeah."

"Where is the other one?"

"Well speak of the devil."

Kontra walked up with a sheepish smile on his face and he held up a chard red creature with a stomach transmitting a broken tv like array of grey and white lines.

"I couldn't find a care bear, so I got a teli-tubby instead."


	22. Of Torture and Lost Chapters

**READ BEFORE YOU READ!!!!**

**Ok, so exactly one week ago Kontra, Emerald, and I entered into a little bet. The bet being that the thought I couldn't update all eight of my single authored fan fiction (I have no collaboration with Emerald, and it is her turn to write a chapter)**

**If I lost, they would get to torture me in each of their respective fan fictions. **

**Though if I won I got to do the same to them**

**And guess what?**

**----------------------**

I stood before Emerald and Kontra, each tied to a chair, with my arms crossed over my chest. Hilaria, who asked if she could help, was standing to my left.

"You two have lost the bet. And according to this document signed in you own blood…." I trailed off as Hilaria tapped me on the shoulder. "What?"

"We lost the document; I think Roy burned it along with the rest of his paper work when he had the nervous break down."

I tried not to notice the bead of sweat rolling down the back of my head and instead turned to the two in the chairs.

"Since I really and just bullshitting your torture, I'll start with Kontra."

With a huge ripping sound I broke off a piece of duck tape, and then ripped those pieces into smaller strips. Being careful not to actually touch his eye ball I used the duck tape to make sure he couldn't close his eyes. With a signal form me, Sneha took Kontra's chair and rolled it over to a back corner of the bar. With a light click to turned on the TV and the DVD player. And then much to Kontra's horror the 2 hour DVD of the telitubbies and Care bears, with some Barney and Canadian Idiot spliced in, started to play.

I couldn't help but smile at his screams, and handed Sneha her Double non0fat mocha-latté-frap with 67 chocolate sprinkles and 3 Tbls of whipped cream, and 4 packets of sugar in the raw (trademark).

Being a happy little Hindu- Goddess went to go drink her caffeine coffee treat. The scent it's self was enough to start Emerald whimpering, though it was hard to hear over Kontra's constant screams.

I snapped my fingers (aren't I a great bossy person?) and Hilaria, with a huge grin started to dress up Emerald. She didn't scream, until she saw the same pink hair dye which had been put into Zafe's hair for his haze.

As soon as I was sure everything was going smoothly, I left to go find Sasuke.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Trust me, I really did see Itachi in here!" I said with a slight laugh as I lead him in to the bar.

Only for him to be glomped, and then kissed hard on the lips.

To every one who hadn't been in the bar two minutes before it looked like the classic scene of Uchihacest. Itachi passionately holding his brother into a tight embrace, kissing him feverishly.

Emerald was at the moment was in complete Sakura gear, and she was passed out and foaming at the mouth. (As a side note, so was Kontra at this point)

As Itachi dropped the now passed out Sasuke, he transformed back into Envy. With a smirk I handed him the 29 dollars I had promised him.

My torture, short, sweet and to the point, was complete.

**BOUNUS! THE LOST CHAPTER!**

**This is the real first chapter of Bar Stories are we drunk yet. **

**Opal and I wrote it one night of intense hyper ness.**

**I deleted it as the first chapter after it was only up a short time** **since it's a script** **fiction, and it has no fan part to it.**

**But it is still funny and crazy, so enjoy.**

Draye: Hey I love the bar!

O.0 the juice bar.)

Opal: No you don't

Draye: Hey just cuz I'm 14 doesn't mean I can't love bars

Opal: Yes it does

Draye: This is Opil

Opal: Where?

Draye: That was Opil  
Opal: IS not whisper does anyone have a time machine?

Draye: Can I get on with the fucking story!!!!!!!!!

Opal: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm breath in no.

Draye: Why fucking not, I'm the author! I could write you out of existence if I wanted to!

Opal; Pish, your not a author, you're a victim to your own insanity. If you were smart enough to write someone out, it would have been yourself.

Draye: See people, this is why I go to virtual bars.

Opal: Because you would lose the bar fights horribly? And end up with babies?

Draye: Hey! I thought we wouldn't talk about that any more!

Opal: since when is it legal for you to think?

Draye: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, today.

Opal: Have I mentioned its yesterday?

Draye: DAMN IT, when can I start to write the story! Soon the flamers with torches and pitch forks will come demanding a story!

The flamers with torches and pitch forks: We're already here.

Draye: SEE WHAT I MEAN!!!!!!!

Opal: Hi, I'm me, not 'author', want coffee? How about some machine guns? offers

Draye: Fuck to you too people, here is the fucking story!

Opal: Drain, it's not here, you see, I-tippy moved it. It's over there, in the middle of the flamers.

Draye: What the hell. Listen we need to hurry or the bar will close!

Opal: what happened to your _'all might author powers' _and isn't a virtual bar? Were you stupid enough to give it a virtual closing time?

Draye: No. that only happens if I don't get a beer.

Opal: How can you get a beer if it's closed? And what happened to the 'juice bar?' do you need animals crackers too?

Draye: Only if I don't get beer, so can we hurry up. And when did you start making funnies...you didn't fuck that guy with the shinny things in his pants did you! Not again, I can't afford to get you out again, being a fic author pays little virtual bucks you hear.

Opal: Remember that last time we let you HAVE beer? That wasn't me. That was your cat. You kept calling it Opil…we didn't understand why at the time. And Drain in my world, funnies are farts, and you belong in your own special club with the special funnies all for you.

Draye: You ARE knocked up!

Opal: No, you're just really, really short.

Draye: Look whose calling the kettle black.

Opal: WAIT, you're pregnant?

Draye: I will be if I don't get a fucking beer soon!

Opal: Isn't it the OTHER way around?

Draye: Only in the movies or non-virtual bars, love with my British accent)  
opal: you don't HAVE a British accent, you have an accent as fluid as a blocked drain, drain

Draye: Were did tippy go...

O.0 stares hungrily at Opal I want you.)

Opal: Crap please tell me I didn't touch the mouse. AGAIN.

Draye: You are knee deep in the mouse crap my friend.

O.0 TOUCH ME)

Opal:…..

Brandon: Hey what about me!

O.0 you NEVER touch it like that)

Brandon: …….. Like what?

Opal: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I DO. WATCH pokes Brandon

Brandon: OMG OMG AAAHHH DO IT AGAIN

Opal: damn I need a beer.

Draye: That's what I have been saying. TIPPY DON'T TOUCH THAT BUTTON!!

O.0 this button?presses

**THE END**

Draye: we never got our beer. WAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Opal: takes drink of beer Yeah, sure, never got that.

Draye: Is that beer?

Opal hides label with hand: No..no, it's juice! From a, you know, juice bar.

Draye: damn and I was so close to that beer.

Opal: Wanna see a magic trick?  
Draye: Yes

Opal: When I finish this juice it will smell like beer finishes 'grape juice'

Draye:smells it YOUR SO KIND AND AMAZING

Opal: I know. opens another 'grape juice' and takes drink

Draye: I WANT A BEER, NEXT CHAPTER I WILL GET THAT BEER!!

Opal: Another day another beer. And poor me, all I have is this 'grape juice'.

O.0 presses button again)

**THE END (no really)**


	23. Yay fan videos!

MPD: Mythical Psychopath Day-Care

**MPD: Mythical Psychopath Day-Care**

**Things to not before reading: **

**The Kids: Nova (Trey and mine) Marius, Celeste, Amber, Sam (Bat and Flin's) Elliot (Demy and Marky's)  
The Baby-Sitters: Dante, Nelly (Trey and mine) and Jordon **

**--**

I sat in the bar, feeling slightly guilty for some reason. I knew they could handle it; they were 16-17 after all, but still…

Trey, Flin, Bat and I had finally figured a way to get some alone with husband time, but then the babysitter had called in sick. So Bat came up with the brilliant idea of just leaving the kids with Dante, Nelly, and Jordon. Now they had babysat before… and it would only be Nova, Elliot, Marius, Celeste, Amber and Sam.

I sighed and took a sip. It wasn't like the house would be burnt to the ground or anything.

Famous last words.

--  
"Ok, ok, we have food, diapers, and guns. We'll live through this." Dante said as he looked at the 6 young children playing with blocks.

"Oh yes, guns, that means if they start to act up we can shoot them." Jordon sighed, Dante smiled sheepishly. Nelly looked up form her book.

"I think he meant if we were attacked."

"Oh yes, since Elliot has really sharp teeth!" Dante said, smiling idiotically, the other two glared at him.

Dante and Nelly are twins, Dante being the older one. He is said to look exactly like me, or his grand father, but taller. No one understands where the height came from, he's 5'7", sine I'm only five-ish feet tall, and Trey is 5'5". Nelly's around my height though, and has more rust colored hair, and golden, pupil-less eyes. Jordon was turned into a vampire by me, and is a year older than Dante and Nelly. The left side of his head has white hair and a black eye, and the right has the opposite.

The three teens stared at the young children.

Marius and Celeste were twins also. (Family curse) Marius is also tall, and looks a lot like Marky, while Celeste leans more towards her mother. Amber is the middle child, and looks like a mix of Flin and Bat, while Sam looks completely like Flin, and is the youngest. Nova, my youngest, is an albino, but don't think for a second that it means her skin is that weird hot pink color, it's more like white, and she has pink eyes.

Then there was Elliot

He had Green hair, and was the runt, about the same size as Nova even though he is older than her. He is a triplet, and has two sisters; he's also my half brother. I got stuck with him since those two sisters keep trying to kill him.

Jordon looked at his watch.

"Do we feed them or let them keep playing."

"How about we throw them a chicken, and depending on how fast they eat it we decide weather or not to actually feed them."

Nelly and Jordon blinked as they stared at Dante.

"How can some one as smart as you be so retarded?"

"Just lucky I guess."

Instead of banging her head into the table, Nelly instead went to corral the babies into the kitchen.

"So what do you want to eat?" Jordon asked while Sam was given a bottle.

"Food!" Nova said happily.

"Yes, but what type of food."

"Edible I hope." Elliot said as he drank from his glass.

"Yes, of coarse it would be edible. Do you want soup?"

There was a collective no.

"How about pasta?"

Another no.

Dante went to stand next to Jordon.

"How about pie?"

Celeste giggled. "I don't like pie, it gives me splinters."

"Yeah, and things you wouldn't believe." Marius finished before the two of them started to crack up.

"Why don't you bake cake?" Amber shouted before also breaking out into laugher. Every one looked at them confused.

"You know, maybe we should bake cake." Jordon said with a shrug.

"Good idea, but we don't have cake mix." Nelly sighed

"This is an apartment complex, I bet some one has cake mix, I'll go look." Dante said as he left the flat. He went two rooms down and knocked on the door.

"May I help you Mr. Letum?" Snape asked as he opened the door. Dante smiled and gulped as he looked at his chemistry teacher.

"Hi Mr. Snape, I didn't know you lived here."

"Well I suppose you know that I do now, don't you?"

"Umm, yeah." Dante pulled at his collar. "Do you have any cake mix?"

"Mr. Letum, do I seem like the type of person who would own a box of cake mix?"

"If I said yes I have a feeling I would be terribly, terribly wrong."

"Indeed Mr." "Servie Hon, I found your pills!" some one shouted from inside, not just an ordinary someone, but a woman someone.

"Who is that?"

"None of your business."

"Are you blushing?"

"What?! Of coarse not!"

Though Snape's little outburst was for not when said woman walked up to the door.

"Aunt Faith?" Dante's jaw was nearly touching the floor. "Aunt Faith? What are you….is that whip cream in your… oh my lite-brite god."

Faith blushed and slammed the door in Dante's utterly shocked face.

After a few minutes Dante ventured to another door.

When he knocked it slowly opened with a creaky noises.

"May I help you?" came a wheezy old voice.

"Hi Mr. Ripper, but do you have cake mix?"

A claw hooked its self on the side of the door, a bloody claw.

"Cant say I have, can't say I have. But I have some eggs you might like."

"Oh thanks Mr. Ripper."

The man left for a second, and came back with red speckled eggs.

"No problem Dante, and calm me Jack, tell your mother I said hello."

"Sure thing Jack."

As the door closed Dante couldn't help thinking what a nice guy he was.

At the next door a man he didn't recognize answered.

"Hello," Dante said happily "is the doctor home?"

"Doctor?"

"Yes the doctor."

"Which doctor?"

"Who."

"How should I know?"

"No, Doctor who."

"What?"

"Not what, who."

"You're asking me?"

"Yes, is he home?"

"Who?"

"Yes!"

"What?"

"Is who home?"

"How should I know?"

"This is his flat."

"Whose?"

"Yes!"

"What?"

"Dr. Who's house!"

"This is an apartment, not a house."

Dante just sighed and went to the next one. Orochimaru opened the door. The snake man looked Dante over a few times.

"May I help you?"

"Do you have any cake mix I could use?"

"I'd be happy to give it to you, in exchange for your body."

Dante's eyebrow twitched "my what?"

"Oh, never mind, never mind, let me go get it for you."

When Dante was handed the box, he looked it over. It was a box for chip and dale's chipmunk cake, with five different types of rodents.

Well, he was feeding vampires.

"Thank you." He said quickly before running top speed back down the hall.

--

"Kids we're home!" I shouted while I fiddled with the keys outside. Dante opened the door, covered in a strange red puffy substance.

"I tried to bake cakes."

"For Sparda?" Trey asked.

"No, for the brats."

"Did you clean up the mess?" I asked

"Yes."

"did you burn anything down?"

"No."

"Then I don't give a rat's ass."

I watched as Dante put a hand over his mouth, and ran to the bathroom. I turned to Trey.

"What's gotten into him?"


	24. COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!

Oh the bar, the crowded and stuffy room where it is so loud you can't even hear the nine people throwing up in the bathroom. Where no one will answer you even if you ask them 27 times what time it is, because if you aren't having fun enough to not care, then you shouldn't be there any way. Where even if you came in with no friends, you'll leave with seven of them, and maybe 3 lovers if you got really lucky.

But that's a normal bar. And normal NEVER means a lick here…ever.

The Twisted Tales was utterly empty, save for me, Azulcat and Hilaria. Faith was here too, but once her inner nun realized what vile liquids she was having her stomach drowned in she saw to it that they were removed.

I shivered and covered my ears at the sound of her hacking cough, it was rough, and made me want to gag myself, plus Azulcat looked ready to clear herself of a few hairballs any second now.

"Why are we even here again?" Azulcat groaned as she drank some of her pint to try and quiet her own coughs. "We aren't even having fun."

"Hilaria is" I sighed, jabbing a thumb over that the girl, who was piss ass drunk. All she was missing was the lamp shade, she was already twirling her bra over hear head while trying to get The Joker to dance with her.

"Should we save her?" Azulcat asked, not taking her one-eyebrow-raised gaze away from the Alchemuncuzodifreak.

"You're worried about her? I'm feeling more worried about messy face over there."

"Will you just save her?!" the blue feline hissed at me. I sighed and stood up, not forgetting to drain the rest that was in my glass before hand, I would need the energy.

Stepping up to the dancing drunkard and the smiling shrink's worst night mare, I tried my best to be polite.

"MINE!" I grabbed Hilaria's arm and pulled her away from the clown school drop out.

"Awww dwaye…whysh sooo serious?" Hilaria slurred into my face, her breath stinking of alcohol…why do we drink that stuff any way? Oh yeah, being drunk is fun. The clown smiled.

"I was just about to say that." He managed to gasp out before cracking up, turning to start to bang on the wall with his fist in his hysterics. Both Hilaria and I weren't drunk enough to know not to run.

…does that sentence even make sense…I've always have had problems with double negatives you see, I mean, we weren't drunk implies we are sober, so we were sober enough to know to not run means that we knew not to run…which isn't what I wanted to say at all. So, according to that what I meant to say was - ow! Hey what was that for? Why'd you hit me Hilaria? Get out of my Narrative rant! What? Oh yeah, the story, well... so we knew we had to run, so I guess that what I mean to say by that is that we decided to run, and running being the action which is both faster that walking and jogging. So by that you can kind of guess the speed at which- OK! I GET IT! PUT THE BAT DOWN!

I started to run towards the door, pulling Hilaria along by linking my arm into hers.

"WHEE!" Hilaria giggled, and grabbed onto Azulcat the same way I had linked onto her.

It was cold outside, but I think that was because the weather soon grew afraid of our crazed fleeing, because it got quite comfortable pretty fast. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on whom you are, Kontra happened to live the closest to the bar, and also happened to keep the most weapons on him at one time.

He answered the door, once again not wearing as many cloths as some one should be wearing when they go to answer the door. Azulcat shielded her eyes and Hilaria aided her, slapping her own hand onto the cat's face.

"What do you crazies want?"

"Why aren't you wearing pants?"

"I asked you first."

"We need protection."

The humanoid-dragon smirked "His, her, or shared pleasure?"

"Not that kind of protection, you dolt. But, if you have any, her pleasure, please."

"Why am I not surprised to hear that coming from you?" He rolled his eyes and stepped aside, letting the three of us walk into the sauna that was his house.

"God, how much energy are you wasting in here?" a slightly more sober Hilaria asked as the three of us plopped onto the couch and Kontra left us in the search to find a pair of pants.

"Was that sponge bob I saw?" Azulcat whispered into Hilaria's ear.

"God I hope not. I mean it isn't like I held him too highly, but still."

I rolled my eyes "Be nice to Gecko, will you?"

"Aw Draye wants us to be nice to the noob, does Draye like the ickle noobie?" Hilaria giggled.

As if he could hear my silent plea to leave the room Kontra yelled down "Draye! I need help up here!"

"OOOH!" Azulcat and Hilaria crooned as I went up stairs to find Kontra standing in front of his closet.

Now, the door was open, but all you could see was a wall, a solid wall of fabric.

"So you want me to help how?"

"Well you have smaller hands then me, reach in and find some pants."

I walked up to the barricade of jersey cotton and wedged my hand down to the elbow in the biggest space I could find, and I started to pull stuff out.

A tire

A bird cage with five live parakeets

A hamster

A cat in the hat book

A tuba

The terminator

The Tardis

A mongoose

A plasma TV

A ninja body suit

A bottle of shot juice

The keys that Type had eaten once

A 99 cent wand

The dreaded flash-back-o-maker

A copy of Ninjutsu for Dummies

A tub of Vaseline

A palm tree costume

A book on how to worship the Light-Bright gods

A list on how to annoy Barbra

The author aliment assigner

A picture of Deidara dressed as a teenage girl

A M.P.A. T-shirt

A half empty bottle of hot pink hair dye

Zafe's coffin

The terms of agreement

A burned Tele-tubby

A document signed by Emerald and Kontra in blood

A glass of Double non0fat mocha-latté-frap with 67 chocolate sprinkles and 3 Tbls of whipped cream, and 4 packets of sugar in the raw (trademark)

A box for chip and dale's chipmunk cake, with five different types of rodents

Edward Elric

A Hooter's girl

An Omlete

Finally after fifteen minutes of the same thing, I found a wearable pair of pants, I had found four others, but they were in women's sizes and styles.

We went back down stairs, and Kontra put a DVD in, and we sat down to watch.

--

CLICK!

Faith looked up out of the toilet bowl and looked around the now pitch dark bath room, she must have fallen asleep and gotten locked in.

"Hello? HEY!"

No answer...shit…

--

"Did we forget something?" Azulcat asked as we left Kontra's house.

"Oh yeah, I forgot those condoms."

--

**Can you see the old chapter references? I hope so, if you can name which chapter 3 references come from you get a present!**


	25. THE SMUT CHAPTER

**Well it's quite official, I'm a douche. I haven't updated some stories for over a year. …wow…and this used to be my 'update because I don't want to look at my other stories' story. Meh. Hiatus is over folks, time to get back up from off the couch!**

**Welcome back to the bar, may I take your order?**

**Also, may I point out that any spelling errors are due to cold fingers that don't work right. Yeah, you heard me. I'm COLD, I am not a PENGUIN so I can't function in this tempiture.**

**-glares at a penguin sitting happily next to her, and punches it. Hard-**

_**Poll at end of chapter. People read for details. **_

**--------------**

The bar was the same as it had always been, with Barbara was ready to kill anybody who so much as stubbed their toe on one of her stools. Star wars characters were glaring at members of the Enterprise. Random Naruto and Harry Potter characters were being emo, except for the ones that were keeping Rock Lee from drinking. Twilight characters were getting booed out for the 5th time this week. All and all it was good.

Work had tried to keep me away from this, and the job had almost won. That is, until I got a shiny new laptop! Now I could work at the bar! So magnificent! The words I had written seemed so clean and wonderful.

"_No, don't come any closer!" She screamed, pressing her self up against the wall in the back of the alley. She felt herself shiver, and preyed that she hadn't just wet herself. _

_But, the man didn't stop, coming closer and closer until she could smell his breath and catch the evil shine of his knife in the moonlight. The horrid silver that matched the terrible glint that was in his eyes. She looked around the alley, and though it was dirty and filth ridden, nothing could be used as a weapon. She couldn't even pry a brick loose from the wall she was pressing herself up against._

"_There's nothing you can do little girl."_

_She closed her eyes as the knife was brought up, closer and closer to where you could see her pulse beat against the skin of her throat. She felt her self begin to scream. _

"_Stop!"_

_Both the man and the girl turned to see a silhouette in the mouth of the alley._

"_Don't hurt her!"_

_The man sneered "There's nothing you can do to stop me, you fool."_

"_That is not so, because I can fire my lasers!" the man shouted, taking up a heroic pose and opening up his mouth wide as his eyes bulged out. _

"_What the hell?"_

_And with a brilliant flash of blue light the man was gone. The girl ran up to her savior and hugged him tightly._

"_Oh thank you sir!"_

_The man's eye brow ticked as he looked down at her._

"_Sir?"_

"_FALCON PUNCH!"_

_With a blast of pain in her face the girl shot up into the sky. The man slowly turned away from the site of the crime, muttering "stupid cooties."_

Yes, my work was…stupid, but it brought me the money I needed. So why was I bringing something to this bar that cost about a month's salary a good idea? Well, I was behind and I needed a drink like a pregnant woman needs a pickle to go with her ice-cream.

Spock had already rolled my eyes at my primitive device, especially when Ron can over to drool on it.

BING!

I was interrupted by a little IM popping up.

_**Papas_girl: Draye! It's horrible! They took Hawk! **_

For those of you who don't know, that was Bat, and Hawk is her werewolf friend who she some how convinced me to let into the MPS.

_**CouncilBitch: And you want me to do what?**_

Shut up, I didn't set up my account. Last time you have your cousin with an agenda against you help you with computer shit. Plus, I do work for the Council, and yes, I'm a bitch. Don't judge.

_**Papas_girl: Help! Zafe and Kontra took him. And they had Jeff in the car, tied up with duct tape. **_

I sighed; Jeff's another noob we have. He's some sort of creature that crawled out of primordial ooze and is about as old as the dirt that dirt is made from. Except for the fact he's also from another dimension. Yeah, I know. I don't know how the crazies keep finding me, but they do.

_**CouncilBitch: Nothing I can do besides help you pick out the coffin(s).**_

_**Papas_girl: you aren't funny. **_

_**CouncilBitch: I don't mean to be. **_

_**=Frostdragon69 has joined the conversation via cellular device=**_

_**CouncilBitch: look, its Kontra. He'll spill.**_

_**Frostdragon69: spill what?**_

_**Papas_girl: where Hawk and Jeff are!**_

_**Frostdragon69: I know not of whom you speak.  
CouncilBitch: Kontra. I know what's in your closet and am willing to use that against you.**_

_**Frostdragon69: So?**_

_**CouncilBitch: I'll show Candice the pictures of you dressed up as a sailor senshi.**_

_**Frostdragon69: We're just hazing them! **_

_**Papas_girl: And? Where?**_

_**Frostdragon69: …a strip club.**_

_**=Frostdragon69 has left the conversation=**_

_**Papas_girl: We have to save them! Meet me at the red-light district in 20 minutes.**_

_**=Papas_girl has left the conversation=**_

This was going to be terrible.  
-----

Standing on a corner of the red-light district is never a good idea. So far I had been bitten by Pikachu for taking his turf. (I just hope that rodent didn't have rabies or mouse aids. God knows that right then I needed my nonexistent mouse DNA to get fucked up.) About 10 guys tried to buy me, including my brother Cody. Don't worry, I punched him. Also apparently a pimp owns me now, who was also Cody. Bro, you're messed up, and you aren't getting any of my money.

Bat still had yet to show up, and it was cold out. Plus I had my new shiny laptop, and it was a heavy new shiny laptop. I would have been sitting in my nice warm car, but Type had gotten hungry, again.

"I show you good time?"

I looked down at the voice to find Eric Cartman staring up at me. That's just what I needed right now, demented people from Comedy Central. At least it wasn't a puppet.

"No, you don't."

The fat ten year old glared up at me. "I show you good time, five dollah."

"Go away kid before I give you an enema with liquid nitrogen."

"Good time, five dollah."

I turned my back at him, to look at my splendid surroundings. The lights were actually red here, go figure, and the signs were all neon. Most had just XXX or a pair of boobs or dances on poles. But I saw a dick or two in there. I didn't like this part, but there was a beauty to the older sections, the wooden houses where women in old-fashioned garb would wave from their balconies. The air smelly of their perfume and …I'm not gay people. Plus I couldn't focus on that, I had a rolly 4th grader dressed as a slut tugging at my pants.

"Happy endring?"

"NO YOU DICK HEAD!" I kicked him and kicked him good. I watched as that bitch rolled down the street for a good mile before I, surprise, got my self distracted again.

"There you are!"

I turned to see my sister standing there with…a wolf. It was a big beast, and I choose not to ask, lest I be related to it, like I am to most people I meet on the streets.

I strode over "Hey Bat, who's the bloodhound?"

"Oh, I got Emerald to come and help us."

I looked down at the canine. Yep, related to everyone.

"She'll sniff out the guys for us."

"She'd better."

All I got was a growl as she walked off away from us.

"Emerald! Stop! There are leash laws"

I rolled my eyes "Because gods forbid that she gets caught by the dog catcher and turns into a woman. Oh the horror." I said with mock fear, completing my Emmy winning performance by taking up The Scream pose.

"Draye, shut up."

I just stuck out my tongue at her and made the most childish noises I could to go along with it. She proudly retaliated by sticking her thumbs in her ears, wiggling her fingers and shouting "Neener, neener, neener!" what can I say? Sister bonding is important. So back to the hunt!

Emerald sniffed…and sniffed…and sniffed…then got high from all the cocaine people had spilled on the side walk.

"BECAUSE SWORD FISHES LOVE YOU! AND JELLY FISHIES LOVE YOU! AN BLOW FISH-"

All of a sudden a Starme came out of no where and attached itself to her face. Bat and did nothing that we could have easily done as the pokemon continued to rape our cousin's face.

"I doubt that star fish will love her forever."

"Yeah, more like leave her to take care of the horrible mutant face babies."

We both nodded sadly. Emerald on the other hand was banging her face into a wall, effectively killing the poor pokemon, as Misty yelled at us from the window of the brothel she owned.

"Poor pokemon, so washed up"

I shrugged "yeah, and what about to the sailor senshi? They make lesbian porn…at least those two do…uh…"

Emerald piped up "Uranus and Neptune!"

"Sweetie if it involved your anus then I doubt its lesbo"

Bat shook her head "strap on"

"Oh riiiight, yeah, makes sence."

"You are horrible! LEAVE URANUS ALONE!" Emerald screamed as she started sobbing.

"….oookay. We need to find the retard and the noobs before Emerald dies and takes us down with her."

---

Back at my house we were having a party celebrating the capture of the noobs, and all the MPS were gathered for once. Jeff came and sat next to me, not being one for crowds or being sociable.

"Draye…what happened?" I sighed and took a sip of mojito. Just enough mint to keep your breath from smelling like booze for a few minutes.

"Well we bribed Scooby with some snacks and he led us to the club, where Emerald made out with bikini Leia, and we rescued you."

Jeff's face screwed up in confusion "…it did?"

"Yes. Do not question."

"But….right up there about … six or seven lines ago you said that you still needed to get us…then three dots showed up and the day is saved."

"They are dashes, and do not question." I scolded him waggling my finger in a very menacing way.

"But…"

"Question, and our world will become a paradox, and you know what happens to paradoxes?"

He shook his head "Not really, but from what I've seen I could fathom tha-"

"That's right you don't, because no one knows. The worlds just kinda suddenly end, like…an unresolved plot."

Jeff snapped his fingers "OH! I get it, like how this was the smut chapter, but there was no real smut. The plot, smut, didn't happen."

"Oh there is smut."

"Really?"

"Yeah, just hold on a sec and I'll get it."

And as I turned around to start the smut filled fun the film real sputtered and caught on fire, burning and blipping and shredding a mass display of hysteria enduing hell noise.

**THE END.**

---

The small child blinked.

"But granny that makes no sense."

I whapped the boy on the arse with my cane as I walked away.

"Good, it shouldn't until you're forty."

----

**There we go kiddies, the smut chapter. Ok, no real smut, soooo, since I don't want to change the rating on this….I can't really include penis…oh no! I said penis! AHHH!**

**Lol, but really kiddies. Smut is bad…ok, you win, pitch forks down.**

**Next Chapter will include REAL SMUT, as in fucking people fucking people. I just Don't know who.**

_**VOTE IF YOU WANT SMUT!**_

_**VOTE! VOTE!**_

**Pick any MPS member you want to see getting it on, and I will include them, and another character of my choice getting it on. Happy voting!**


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